adBlockCheck

Olympic Torch Relay Difficulties

Top Headlines

Sports

Rest Of Nation To Penn State: ‘Something Is Very Wrong With All Of You’

WASHINGTON—Stating they felt deeply unnerved by the community’s unwavering and impassioned defense of a football program and administration that enabled child sexual abuse over the course of several decades, the rest of the country informed Penn State University Friday that there is clearly something very wrong with all of them.

Strongside/Weakside: Lamar Jackson

After passing for eight touchdowns and rushing for another 10 in just the first three weeks of the season, Louisville Cardinals sophomore quarterback Lamar Jackson has quickly become the frontrunner to win the Heisman Trophy. Is he any good?

Strongside/Weakside: Carson Wentz

After being selected second overall in the 2016 NFL Draft, Philadelphia Eagles quarterback Carson Wentz opened the season with a nearly flawless performance in a victory over the Cleveland Browns. Is he any good?

Former WWE Wrestler Found Alive At 44

PHOENIX—In a revelation that has sent shockwaves through the wrestling world, sources confirmed that former WWE wrestler Freddy Hendricks, better known as his in-ring persona “Time Bomb,” was discovered alive Friday at the age of 44.

Strongside/Weakside: Dak Prescott

Having assumed the role after Tony Romo’s injury during the preseason, Dak Prescott is expected to open the NFL regular season as the first rookie quarterback to start for the Dallas Cowboys since 2004. Is he any good?

Study: 96% Of Pickup Games Decided By Next Score

PRINCETON, NJ—Noting that none of the game’s earlier events factored into the final outcome in any way whatsoever, a study released Wednesday by researchers at Princeton University revealed that 96 percent of all pickup games are decided by the next score.

Kevin Durant Wins Gold In Men’s Individual Basketball

RIO DE JANEIRO—Beating out Serbian Nikola Jokic by .87 points in order to claim the all-around title, U.S. forward Kevin Durant won Olympic gold Friday in men’s individual basketball, becoming the first man to win consecutive golds in the competition since Gary Payton at the 1996 and 2000 Games.
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next

Olympic Torch Relay Difficulties

Roughhousing protesters forced Beijing Olympics personnel to extinguish the torch three times as the relay crossed France, but those were far from the only problems faced by China's much-criticized Olympic organizers:

Beijing, China: The torch relay starts in this city, providing a symbolic reminder of what a huge mistake it was to hold the Olympics in Beijing

Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia: Olympic gold medalist Lim Keng Liat totally forgets to embody the spirit of harmony and goodwill the flame represents during the first 450 feet of her relay

San Francisco: A runner carrying the Olympic torch accidentally collides with a runner carrying the Special Olympics extremely dry bush

Atlanta: Though the torch isn't scheduled to make a stop in this former Olympic host city, Muhammad Ali is still standing in the exact same spot he was back in 1996

London, England: Some idiot just throws torch in garbage

Olympia, Greece: Brief delay as officials are unable to determine whether or not Zeus himself lit the flame or if he had Hephaestus do it for him

Lake Como, Italy: Everyone is embarrassed for Italian torch-relay member Giuseppe Colgano when he detours eight blocks to his ex-wife's house and tells her "I am carrying this torch for you"

Muscat, Oman: Runner Batal Al Qaws performs the relay torch transition with his wrong hand, and his receiver Saad Al Shemmari unwittingly runs 1.4 miles proudly carrying a foot-long hot dog in the air

Istanbul, Turkey: Frustrated officials are unable to catch the rascally rabbit that keeps blowing out the torch whenever they turn their heads

Islamabad, Pakistan: After Chinese officials send him food and water to get him healthy enough to carry the torch, a refreshed and reenergized Osama bin Laden runs over three miles

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close