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Sports

Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Sixth Super Bowl Win Continues To Elude Patriots

HOUSTON—As disappointed players and coaches returned to the locker room following the end of Super Bowl LI, members of the New England Patriots acknowledged to reporters Sunday that the team’s sixth Super Bowl title continues to elude them.

Greatest Super Bowl Halftime Shows

The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

NFL Loses Rights To ‘Super Bowl’

NEW YORK—After failing to agree to terms for a new licensing agreement before the February 3 deadline, the NFL lost the rights to the term “Super Bowl” on Friday, sources confirmed.
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Olympic Torch Relay Difficulties

Roughhousing protesters forced Beijing Olympics personnel to extinguish the torch three times as the relay crossed France, but those were far from the only problems faced by China's much-criticized Olympic organizers:

Beijing, China: The torch relay starts in this city, providing a symbolic reminder of what a huge mistake it was to hold the Olympics in Beijing

Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia: Olympic gold medalist Lim Keng Liat totally forgets to embody the spirit of harmony and goodwill the flame represents during the first 450 feet of her relay

San Francisco: A runner carrying the Olympic torch accidentally collides with a runner carrying the Special Olympics extremely dry bush

Atlanta: Though the torch isn't scheduled to make a stop in this former Olympic host city, Muhammad Ali is still standing in the exact same spot he was back in 1996

London, England: Some idiot just throws torch in garbage

Olympia, Greece: Brief delay as officials are unable to determine whether or not Zeus himself lit the flame or if he had Hephaestus do it for him

Lake Como, Italy: Everyone is embarrassed for Italian torch-relay member Giuseppe Colgano when he detours eight blocks to his ex-wife's house and tells her "I am carrying this torch for you"

Muscat, Oman: Runner Batal Al Qaws performs the relay torch transition with his wrong hand, and his receiver Saad Al Shemmari unwittingly runs 1.4 miles proudly carrying a foot-long hot dog in the air

Istanbul, Turkey: Frustrated officials are unable to catch the rascally rabbit that keeps blowing out the torch whenever they turn their heads

Islamabad, Pakistan: After Chinese officials send him food and water to get him healthy enough to carry the torch, a refreshed and reenergized Osama bin Laden runs over three miles

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