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On The Campaign Trail With Dennis Kucinich

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Trump Casually Informs Pence He Going To Make One Or Two Appearances During Speech

CLEVELAND—Pulling his running mate aside backstage at the Republican National Convention just minutes before the Indiana governor was scheduled to formally accept the party’s vice presidential nomination, GOP candidate Donald Trump casually informed Mike Pence that he would probably make one or two quick appearances during the Midwestern conservative’s headlining speech tonight.

‘Heed My Tragic Story Well, Friends, For You Could Just As Easily Be Me,’ Says Chris Christie In Haunting RNC Speech

CLEVELAND—A thrall sweeping over the assembled GOP officials and party members Tuesday as he recounted his chilling tale of hubris, New Jersey governor Chris Christie reportedly entreated those at the Republican National Convention to consider the sad story of his own dizzying rise and ignominious fall, offering a bitter warning to all in attendance that his terrible fate could befall any one of them.
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On The Campaign Trail With Dennis Kucinich

Despite trailing every other Democratic presidential candidate in the polls, Dennis Kucinich is still campaigning actively. Here is a sample day on the campaign trail with Kucinich:

6:45–7:00 a.m.: Unbuckle self from underside of the Straight Talk Express bus

7:45–7:50 a.m.: Gaze sympathetically at fly being shooed away from stack of syrup-slathered waffles

Noon–12:15 p.m.: Break down in tears in truck-stop bathroom, pull self together

3:00–3:30 p.m.: Stand in cornfield whispering policy to scarecrow

5:15–8:30 p.m.: Drive around South Carolina looking for vegan-friendly restaurant

8:45–9:15 p.m.: Pick John Edwards' brain

10:30–10:45 p.m.: Drop everything and call campaign headquarters to see if Leno, Letterman, O'Brien, Stewart, or Colbert called

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