adBlockCheck

Recent News

What To Watch For In The New Obi-Wan Kenobi Film

Disney has announced they are in the early stages of developing a stand-alone ‘Star Wars’ film focused on the adventures of Jedi master Obi-Wan Kenobi. Here’s what fans can expect to see in the upcoming release.

Man In Center Of Political Spectrum Under Impression He Less Obnoxious

MT. VERNON, OH—Loudly explaining to anyone within earshot that both the left and right were ruining the level of discourse in this country, Jesse Levin, a man firmly in the center of the political spectrum, is under the impression that he is less obnoxious than those with more partisan viewpoints, sources reported Friday.
End Of Section
  • More News

Onion Ignored By Pulitzer Committee

Despite its high-caliber journalism, The Onion has once again been snubbed by the body that awards the Pulitzer Prizes. Here's what's wrong with the Pulitzer Board:

  • A cabal of aging virgins whose only hope is a pity-lay from the sluts at The New York Times or The Philadelphia Inquirer
  • Too stupid to fully grasp implications of threats
  • Unwilling to acknowledge any publication not financially in the red
  • Board member Junot Díaz was rejected by The Onion three times in 1994, and this is his sick and twisted form of revenge
  • Extremely convoluted bribery requirements
  • Disrespects the work of The Onion's brave war photographers due to prejudice against minors
  • Only able to get their withered old rocks off anymore by seeing the word "Katrina" written in a serifed font
  • Bunch of babies pooping in their baby diapers
  • Just not very good at their jobs

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close