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Onion Sports 2008 College Football Rankings

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Nation's Hardass Cops Finally Find Time To Play Games

In a sudden departure from their long-held stance of not being here to play games and not, in fact, having the time to play games, the nation’s hardass cops announced Wednesday they had finally carved out a couple hours during which games could be p...

Report: Gonzaga’s In Washington, Right?

NEW YORK—Ahead of the team’s first-round game against Seton Hall in the NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament, a new report released Thursday revealed that Gonzaga is in Washington state, right?

Teary-Eyed Robert Griffin III Slips On Draft Day Suit Again

WASHINGTON—With several tears streaming down his face as he stood alone in his bedroom’s walk-in closet, sources confirmed Wednesday that former Washington Redskins quarterback Robert Griffin III slipped on the suit he wore to the 2012 NFL Draft.
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Onion Sports 2008 College Football Rankings

1. Georgia: Young team overflowing with confidence, though preseason boast that their football empire shall rule over all the Earth for a thousand years makes scouts uneasy

2. Ohio State: Have more experience beating teams in its conference and losing to teams in the SEC than any other squad

3. USC: Trojans have enough talent to direct a box-office smash hit movie and write an Emmy-award winning show; however, are not quite as good at football

4. Florida: The Gators' defense improved this year by dropping their NFL-caliber players for actual NFL players

5. Michigan: Did we say fifth? Sorry, we meant 53rd; didn't mean to be insufferable arrogant pricks about it, the way Michigan fans were back when their team was any good

6. Missouri: The Tigers received their highest ranking ever this season, proving it pays to sign up early for the NCAA

7. Oklahoma: Honestly, this one is just a space filler

8. Texas Tech: The Red Raiders will employ the strategy of playing it cool and not caring about a championship, which will ultimately win the attention of the BCS pollsters

9. Auburn: The developing Tigers have set high expectations for themselves but will fall short of their goal of being undefeated and winning every game by a million points

10. Wisconsin: Powerful offense; fast, gambling defense; would be ranked higher if it weren't for lame "Jump Around" celebration, annoying marching band

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