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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
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Onion Sports 2008 College Football Rankings

1. Georgia: Young team overflowing with confidence, though preseason boast that their football empire shall rule over all the Earth for a thousand years makes scouts uneasy

2. Ohio State: Have more experience beating teams in its conference and losing to teams in the SEC than any other squad

3. USC: Trojans have enough talent to direct a box-office smash hit movie and write an Emmy-award winning show; however, are not quite as good at football

4. Florida: The Gators' defense improved this year by dropping their NFL-caliber players for actual NFL players

5. Michigan: Did we say fifth? Sorry, we meant 53rd; didn't mean to be insufferable arrogant pricks about it, the way Michigan fans were back when their team was any good

6. Missouri: The Tigers received their highest ranking ever this season, proving it pays to sign up early for the NCAA

7. Oklahoma: Honestly, this one is just a space filler

8. Texas Tech: The Red Raiders will employ the strategy of playing it cool and not caring about a championship, which will ultimately win the attention of the BCS pollsters

9. Auburn: The developing Tigers have set high expectations for themselves but will fall short of their goal of being undefeated and winning every game by a million points

10. Wisconsin: Powerful offense; fast, gambling defense; would be ranked higher if it weren't for lame "Jump Around" celebration, annoying marching band

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