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Onion Sports 2011 Mock NFL Draft

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Kevin Durant Wins Gold In Men’s Individual Basketball

RIO DE JANEIRO—Beating out Serbian Nikola Jokic by .87 points in order to claim the all-around title, U.S. forward Kevin Durant won Olympic gold Friday in men’s individual basketball, becoming the first man to win consecutive golds in the competition since Gary Payton at the 1996 and 2000 Games.

Michael Phelps Spots Estranged Father Poseidon In Stands

RIO DE JANEIRO—Immediately recognizing the booming, thunderous voice he hadn’t heard since he was 5 years old as he warmed up ahead of his first heat in the 200-meter individual medley, U.S. Olympic swimmer Michael Phelps reportedly spotted his long-estranged father, Poseidon, God of the Sea, cheering for him Thursday in the stands of the Olympic Aquatics Stadium.
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Onion Sports 2011 Mock NFL Draft

Conventional draft wisdom says to take the best player available, but sometimes a team needs something different. With that in mind, here's how OSN predicts the first ten picks of the NFL Draft will go:

  • Carolina Panthers: QB Cam Newton. Would bring with him the much-needed knowledge of what touchdowns are and how to get them
  • Denver Broncos: DT Marcell Dareus. Though anyone could play better defense than the current Broncos team, it seems like a big, strong guy with college experience would be a good way to go
  • Buffalo Bills: LB Von Miller. Miller excels at running toward the guy who has the ball, which is something the Bills defense has failed to do for years
  • Cincinnati Bengals: WR Greg Salas. Despite a rather sparse draft class, the Bengals still somehow manage to make the worst possible pick
  • Arizona Cardinals: QB Cam Newton. The Cardinals will then shamefully admit to Commissioner Goodell that they weren't paying attention, apologize, and select WR Greg Salas instead
  • Cleveland Browns: WR A.J. Green. Might be able to make some impressive grabs if Colt McCoy can reach him
  • San Francisco: CB Patrick Peterson. San Fran has been looking to shore up its pass defense after giving up more than 27 million yards in the air last season
  • New England Patriots: DE Robert Quinn. A savvy organization like New England isn't going to let the fact that they have the 17th pick prevent them from picking eighth
  • Dallas Cowboys: OT Tyron Smith. He’s the strongest tackle in the draft, and he fits right in with the Cowboys, what with being an idiot and all
  • Washington Redskins: Bust. The Redskins will stick to their draft-day formula, selecting somebody who can familiarize himself with their system immediately

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