Strongside/Weakside: Deshaun Watson

After leading his team to victory in the College Football Playoff National Championship, Clemson University quarterback Deshaun Watson announced he would forgo his final year of eligibility and declare for the NFL Draft. Is he any good?

NFL Implements New Court Date Attire Regulations

NEW YORK—Citing players’ responsibility to represent themselves and the league in a professional manner, the NFL announced a new set of regulations Monday governing the attire that players are allowed to wear during court dates.

Best Sports Documentaries

With ESPN’s film ‘OJ: Made In America’ emerging as an Oscars frontrunner this year, Onion Sports looks back at some of the greatest sports documentaries of all time.

Report: Look How Big Player Is Next To Sideline Reporter

GREEN BAY, WI—Marveling at the pronounced disparity in size during the postgame interview, sources confirmed Sunday that, Jesus Christ, just look at how big Houston Texans nose tackle Vince Wilfork is next to the CBS sideline reporter.

Best Sports Video Games Of All Time

With titles such as ‘FIFA 17’ and ’NBA 2K17’ expected to be popular gifts this holiday season, Onion Sports looks back on some of the best sports video games of all time.

Strongside/Weakside: Ezekiel Elliott

After becoming only the third player in NFL history to rush for 1,000 yards in his first nine games, Dallas Cowboys rookie running back Ezekiel Elliott is an early candidate for league MVP. Is he any good?

Strongside/Weakside: Theo Epstein

In just five seasons, Chicago Cubs president of baseball operations Theo Epstein assembled a team that is competing for the franchise’s first World Series title since 1908. Is he any good?

Jumbotron Really Trying To Push New Third-Down Cheer On Fans

SAN DIEGO—Noting that the phrase had appeared in large blue letters during each of the team’s offensive drives, sources at Qualcomm Stadium confirmed Friday that the Jumbotron was trying really hard to push a new third-down cheer on San Diego Chargers fans.
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Onion Sports 2013 Mock NFL Draft

Conventional draft wisdom says to take the best player available, but sometimes a team needs something different. With that in mind, here’s how Onion Sports predicts the first 10 picks of the NFL Draft will go:

  1. Kansas City Chiefs: OT Luke Joeckel. Honestly, he’s just all right, but it would mean so much to him to see that number 1 next to his name and get those millions of dollars
  2. Jacksonville Jaguars: DE Dion Jordan. At 6’6” and 250 pounds, Jordan is the ideal defensive end to waste the first few years of his career in Jacksonville
  3. Oakland Raiders: DT Sharrif Floyd. After a rough childhood bouncing between multiple homes, the heartwarming story of Sharrif Floyd will abruptly come to an end the second he gets drafted by the Raiders
  4. Philadelphia Eagles: QB Geno Smith. A mobile, quick quarterback with a strong arm, the Eagles will finally have an offensive weapon the likes of which they haven’t had since Michael Vick
  5. Detroit Lions: OT Eric Fisher. Lions need a tackle with a lot of strength and endurance, as that person will be spending the majority of his time scooping up Matthew Stafford from the ground
  6. Cleveland Browns: CB Dee Milliner. C’mon, it’s the goddamn Browns, so does it really matter?
  7. Arizona Cardinals: OT Lane Johnson. Johnson has the talent to play well in the NFL but will need a lot of motivation in order to protect the Cardinals’ horrible, horrible investment in Carson Palmer
  8. Buffalo Bills: WR Cordarrelle Patterson. The Bills front office is in agreement that Patterson will make the perfect mediocre receiver to complement the team’s new mediocre quarterback
  9. New York Jets: DE Ziggy Ansah. One of the most athletically gifted prospects in the draft, but the Jets should still manage to fuck up this kid’s entire career
  10. Tennessee Titans: DT Star Lotulelei. Has all the tools to become one of the prominent defensive tackles in the league, but who knows what will actually happen? We can’t tell the future, and the honest-to-God truth is that nobody can. He could be great, he could be decent, he could be mediocre, he could be terrible—there’s no way of knowing for sure with all the variables at play here. Sometimes you just gotta plunge in, hope for the best, and see how it all shakes out, you know?

Follow @OnionSports for live coverage of tonight's NFL Draft at 8 p.m. EST.


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