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Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Sixth Super Bowl Win Continues To Elude Patriots

HOUSTON—As disappointed players and coaches returned to the locker room following the end of Super Bowl LI, members of the New England Patriots acknowledged to reporters Sunday that the team’s sixth Super Bowl title continues to elude them.

Greatest Super Bowl Halftime Shows

The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

NFL Loses Rights To ‘Super Bowl’

NEW YORK—After failing to agree to terms for a new licensing agreement before the February 3 deadline, the NFL lost the rights to the term “Super Bowl” on Friday, sources confirmed.
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Onion Sports 2013 Mock NFL Draft

Conventional draft wisdom says to take the best player available, but sometimes a team needs something different. With that in mind, here’s how Onion Sports predicts the first 10 picks of the NFL Draft will go:

  1. Kansas City Chiefs: OT Luke Joeckel. Honestly, he’s just all right, but it would mean so much to him to see that number 1 next to his name and get those millions of dollars
  2. Jacksonville Jaguars: DE Dion Jordan. At 6’6” and 250 pounds, Jordan is the ideal defensive end to waste the first few years of his career in Jacksonville
  3. Oakland Raiders: DT Sharrif Floyd. After a rough childhood bouncing between multiple homes, the heartwarming story of Sharrif Floyd will abruptly come to an end the second he gets drafted by the Raiders
  4. Philadelphia Eagles: QB Geno Smith. A mobile, quick quarterback with a strong arm, the Eagles will finally have an offensive weapon the likes of which they haven’t had since Michael Vick
  5. Detroit Lions: OT Eric Fisher. Lions need a tackle with a lot of strength and endurance, as that person will be spending the majority of his time scooping up Matthew Stafford from the ground
  6. Cleveland Browns: CB Dee Milliner. C’mon, it’s the goddamn Browns, so does it really matter?
  7. Arizona Cardinals: OT Lane Johnson. Johnson has the talent to play well in the NFL but will need a lot of motivation in order to protect the Cardinals’ horrible, horrible investment in Carson Palmer
  8. Buffalo Bills: WR Cordarrelle Patterson. The Bills front office is in agreement that Patterson will make the perfect mediocre receiver to complement the team’s new mediocre quarterback
  9. New York Jets: DE Ziggy Ansah. One of the most athletically gifted prospects in the draft, but the Jets should still manage to fuck up this kid’s entire career
  10. Tennessee Titans: DT Star Lotulelei. Has all the tools to become one of the prominent defensive tackles in the league, but who knows what will actually happen? We can’t tell the future, and the honest-to-God truth is that nobody can. He could be great, he could be decent, he could be mediocre, he could be terrible—there’s no way of knowing for sure with all the variables at play here. Sometimes you just gotta plunge in, hope for the best, and see how it all shakes out, you know?

Follow @OnionSports for live coverage of tonight's NFL Draft at 8 p.m. EST.

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