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Milestones In X Games History

With the X Games kicking off in Minneapolis this Thursday, The Onion looks back at memorable moments in the event’s 22-year history:

ESPN Holds Daytime ESPYs

HARTFORD, CT—Recognizing the best in sports programming that occurs on weekdays from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m., ESPN held the Daytime ESPY Awards at the Hartford XL Center Wednesday afternoon.

Man Hoping Game Gets Out Of Hand So He Can Do Something Else

DENVER—Settling into his apartment’s cramped living room to watch the midday game, local man Garrett Neubauer told reporters Wednesday that he hoped the televised baseball game between the Colorado Rockies and the San Francisco Giants would get out of hand soon so he could do something else.

OB-GYN Assures Serena Williams Fetus Developing Serve On Schedule

WEST PALM BEACH, FL—Observing that the unborn child was producing the smooth, fluid strokes expected in the third trimester, ob-gyn Dr. Theresa Umbers reportedly assured world No. 4–ranked tennis player Serena Williams at an appointment Tuesday that her fetus was developing its serve right on schedule.

New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

LOS ANGELES—Following a 10-year study of more than 500 professional and amateur fighters, a report released Thursday by the UCLA Department of Physiology found that mixed martial arts could be bad for your knees.
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Onion Sports' Guide To The 2013 NCAA Bubble Teams

With March Madness just around the corner, Onion Sports provides in-depth analysis on which teams will make or miss the NCAA tournament.

  • Villanova: Like a team that’s second in the nation in free-throw attempts isn’t getting into the tourney? Yeah right, try to stop them, NCAA
  • La Salle: This is a team with a lot of spunk and a whole lot of heart but almost no pluck whatsoever—they face an uphill battle
  • Iowa: Accidentally filled out NCAA form 5601-G instead of 5691-J, leaving them on the outside looking in
  • Kentucky: Disappointing performance this season makes them an unlikely selection, but they have shown the committee flashes of the kind of serious NCAA violations a John Calipari team needs to go deep
  • Temple University: A strong finish to the regular season could set up the Owls for their most recent first-round exit since 2012
  • Gonzaga: The number-one team in the nation, sure, but how good can they really be?
  • Baylor: Their policy of outright refusal to shoot free throws during games will only serve to hurt Baylor down the stretch
  • University of Utah: The Utes had one of the most intimidating schedules coming into the season, which somewhat explains their 11-17 record
  • Northwestern: Don’t discount the Wildcats—6’5” guard Drew Crawford is the chair of the 2013 NCAA selection committee

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