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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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Onion Sports’ NFL Week 10 Picks

OSN shares its expert analysis on the teams that will come away with victory in this weekend’s NFL week 10 games:

Redskins at Vikings

OSN’s Lock Of The Week: Redskins – If the Redskins were to lose this game 34-27, it would be time to start pointing fingers, but that’s a big if.

Bills at Steelers

OSN’s Pick: Steelers – The Bills find themselves in the middle of yet another NFL season.

Bengals at Ravens

OSN’s Pick: Bengals – The Bengals are really going to miss having Geno Atkins’ massive body while piling on top of Joe Flacco.

Lions at Bears

OSN’s Pick: Bears – Do not go to this game. The Bears will win, but we saw something else in the prediction. Something in the crowd. There’s no time to explain. Just get as far away from Chicago as possible.

Eagles at Packers

OSN’s Pick: Eagles – The Philadelphia secondary is going to be constantly frustrated by Packers quarterback Seneca Wallace, who will not throw passes far enough for interceptions.

Rams at Colts

OSN’s Pick: Colts – The Rams are used to playing in a dome, but not in a loud dome.

Jaguars at Titans

OSN’s Pick: Titans – The Jaguars are the team to beat this season.

Raiders at Giants

OSN’s Pick: Giants – Coming off back-to-back wins over two shitty teams, the Giants will continue their pathetic little resurgence with another hollow victory over the Raiders.

Seahawks at Falcons

OSN’s Pick: Seahawks – Falcons quarterback gets Roddy White back this week, providing the play caller with another dejected face in the huddle.

Panthers at 49ers

OSN’s Pick: Humanity – All it takes is one questionable call, an uncontrollable fit of rage, and that vein popping out of Jim Harbaugh’s forehead bursts, instantaneously killing the coach.

Broncos at Chargers

OSN’s Pick: Broncos – Interim head coach Jack Del Rio will have to prove he is capable of nodding along to whatever Peyton Manning says.

Texans at Cardinals

OSN’s Pick: Cardinals – If the season ended today we wouldn’t have to watch this game.

Cowboys at Saints

OSN’s Pick: Saints – Drew Brees and the Saints must put last week’s loss to the Jets out of their minds and focus on the Jets’ imminent collapse during the second half of the season.

Dolphins at Buccaneers

OSN’s Pick: Dolphins – Could the Richie Incognito–Jonathan Martin story play some part in ESPN’s pregame buildup to this Monday Night Football game? It’s still unclear, but Onion Sports is going out on a limb and predicting it will.

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