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Report: Saxophone Still An Okay Vehicle For Self-Expression

While declaring that the musical instrument was by no means ideally suited to the task, a report released by the National Endowment for the Arts Thursday concluded that the saxophone nevertheless remains a fairly decent vehicle for expressing one’s ...

Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Sixth Super Bowl Win Continues To Elude Patriots

HOUSTON—As disappointed players and coaches returned to the locker room following the end of Super Bowl LI, members of the New England Patriots acknowledged to reporters Sunday that the team’s sixth Super Bowl title continues to elude them.

Greatest Super Bowl Halftime Shows

The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

NFL Loses Rights To ‘Super Bowl’

NEW YORK—After failing to agree to terms for a new licensing agreement before the February 3 deadline, the NFL lost the rights to the term “Super Bowl” on Friday, sources confirmed.
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Onion Sports’ NFL Week 11 Picks

OSN shares its expert analysis on the teams that will come away with victory in this weekend’s NFL week 11 games:

Colts at Titans

OSN’s Lock Of The Week: Titans – Jumping out to an early 14-0 lead and holding onto it will be just what the Titans need to turn their season around.

Lions at Steelers

OSN’s Pick: Lions – Expect Pittsburgh to rack up a ton of yards carting injured players back to the locker room.

Jets at Bills

OSN’s Pick: Jets – Ed Reed will send a clear message to the Texans that he’s just as washed-up and slow as they thought he was when they cut him last week.

Ravens at Bears

OSN’s Pick: Bears – The OSN Stats Bureau indicates that quarterback Joe Flacco has only completed 15 percent of his passes that weren’t some fluky bullshit where it was tipped or the receiver had to jump up 10 feet to haul it down.

Redskins at Eagles

OSN’s Pick: Redskins – Though the Redskins will likely pull this game out, one thing is certain: Philadelphia fans will stick by their team no matter what happens.

Falcons at Buccaneers

OSN’s Pick: Buccaneers – Tampa Bay will be counting on strong performances from Tampa Bay running back, Tampa Bay quarterback, and of course, Tampa Bay tight end.

Browns at Bengals

OSN’s Pick: Browns – OSN’s oracle suffered violent convulsions and began spewing fetid black tar, so we just assumed she meant Cleveland.

Cardinals at Jaguars

OSN’s Pick: Cardinals – The Cardinals will snap the Jags’ longest winning streak of the season.

Raiders at Texans

OSN’s Pick: Texans – Houston defensive coordinator Wade Phillips will be more than prepared to pull defensive levers, twist defensive dials, and push defensive buttons.

Chargers at Dolphins

OSN’s Pick: Chargers – The Dolphins are coming off the first of two straight losses.

49ers at Saints

OSN’s Pick: 49ers – Jim Harbaugh will motivate his players before the game by holding a knife to his throat and threatening to seriously do it if they lose this week.

Packers at Giants

OSN’s Pick: Giants – The Giants are proving they can beat just about any team that has an inexperienced, ineffective quarterback.

Vikings at Seahawks

OSN’s Pick: Seahawks – The Seahawks have had this game circled on their calendar since Wednesday.

Chiefs at Broncos

OSN’s Pick: Broncos – If there’s a team to snap the Chiefs’ undefeated record, it’s the Broncos, 49ers, Patriots, Seahawks, Saints, or Colts.

Patriots at Panthers

OSN’s Pick: Panthers – Expect the red-hot Panthers to continue to burn through their competition, with all 53 Carolina players merging into a blinding white orb of unfathomable heat that incinerates the earth and everything living on it.

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