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Strongside/Weakside: Deshaun Watson

After leading his team to victory in the College Football Playoff National Championship, Clemson University quarterback Deshaun Watson announced he would forgo his final year of eligibility and declare for the NFL Draft. Is he any good?

NFL Implements New Court Date Attire Regulations

NEW YORK—Citing players’ responsibility to represent themselves and the league in a professional manner, the NFL announced a new set of regulations Monday governing the attire that players are allowed to wear during court dates.

Best Sports Documentaries

With ESPN’s film ‘OJ: Made In America’ emerging as an Oscars frontrunner this year, Onion Sports looks back at some of the greatest sports documentaries of all time.

Report: Look How Big Player Is Next To Sideline Reporter

GREEN BAY, WI—Marveling at the pronounced disparity in size during the postgame interview, sources confirmed Sunday that, Jesus Christ, just look at how big Houston Texans nose tackle Vince Wilfork is next to the CBS sideline reporter.

Best Sports Video Games Of All Time

With titles such as ‘FIFA 17’ and ’NBA 2K17’ expected to be popular gifts this holiday season, Onion Sports looks back on some of the best sports video games of all time.

Strongside/Weakside: Ezekiel Elliott

After becoming only the third player in NFL history to rush for 1,000 yards in his first nine games, Dallas Cowboys rookie running back Ezekiel Elliott is an early candidate for league MVP. Is he any good?

Strongside/Weakside: Theo Epstein

In just five seasons, Chicago Cubs president of baseball operations Theo Epstein assembled a team that is competing for the franchise’s first World Series title since 1908. Is he any good?

Jumbotron Really Trying To Push New Third-Down Cheer On Fans

SAN DIEGO—Noting that the phrase had appeared in large blue letters during each of the team’s offensive drives, sources at Qualcomm Stadium confirmed Friday that the Jumbotron was trying really hard to push a new third-down cheer on San Diego Chargers fans.
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Onion Sports’ NFL Week Eight Picks

OSN shares its expert analysis on the teams that will come away with victory in this weekend’s NFL week eight games:

Panthers at Buccaneers

OSN’s Lock Of The Week: Panthers – The game ball will go to Carolina kicker Graham Gano, whose successful extra-point attempt in the second quarter will be the nail in the coffin as the Panthers cruise to a 31-13 win.

Bills at Saints

OSN’s Pick: Saints – The Saints offensive line matches up very well against Mario Williams.

Browns at Chiefs

OSN’s Pick: Chiefs – Head coach Andy Reid had the team prepare all week to face either a dreadful or a completely fucking horrendous quarterback.

49ers at Jaguars

OSN’s Pick: 49ers – Once again this is a very bad matchup for the Jaguars as San Francisco is a professional football team.

Cowboys at Lions

OSN’s Pick: Lions – Dez Bryant proves he can do anything Calvin Johnson can do by putting together an impressive individual performance during his team’s loss.

Dolphins at Patriots

OSN’s Pick: Patriots – Miami's offensive line will breathe a sigh of relief that they don't have to block Vince Wilfork, but they’ll have their hands full not blocking Chandler Jones, Tommy Kelly, Rob Ninkovich, Andre Carter, Dont’a Hightower, and Brandon Spikes.

Giants at Eagles

OSN’s Pick: Eagles – The Giants will test Michael Vick’s hamstring early and often while chasing the mobile quarterback into the end zone.

Jets at Bengals

OSN’s Pick: Jets – The Bengals’ superior offense, defense, and special teams won’t be enough to contend with the Jets’ fucking bullshit luck.

Steelers at Raiders

OSN’s Pick: Steelers – Expect the Steelers to get a tough road win in this historical matchup that means absolutely nothing to anyone under the age of 50.

Redskins at Broncos

OSN’s Pick: Broncos – As long as Denver’s defense can hold Washington to 54 points or fewer, the Broncos should be fine.

Falcons at Cardinals

OSN’s Pick: Falcons – Both teams have had their feathers ruffled this season, but this Bird Bowl will provide a chance to keep their slim playoff hopes flying in the sky, and it looks like the Falcons will sharpen their beaks and find a way to regurgitate food into the mouths of their young all the way to victory.

Packers at Vikings

OSN’s Pick: Packers – The Packers are going to need to play hard for all two quarters of this game.

Seahawks at Rams

OSN’s Pick: Seahawks – Expect the Seahawks to send a clear message that Monday night games just fucking suck this season.

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