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Best Sports Video Games Of All Time

With titles such as ‘FIFA 17’ and ’NBA 2K17’ expected to be popular gifts this holiday season, Onion Sports looks back on some of the best sports video games of all time.

Strongside/Weakside: Ezekiel Elliott

After becoming only the third player in NFL history to rush for 1,000 yards in his first nine games, Dallas Cowboys rookie running back Ezekiel Elliott is an early candidate for league MVP. Is he any good?

Strongside/Weakside: Theo Epstein

In just five seasons, Chicago Cubs president of baseball operations Theo Epstein assembled a team that is competing for the franchise’s first World Series title since 1908. Is he any good?

Jumbotron Really Trying To Push New Third-Down Cheer On Fans

SAN DIEGO—Noting that the phrase had appeared in large blue letters during each of the team’s offensive drives, sources at Qualcomm Stadium confirmed Friday that the Jumbotron was trying really hard to push a new third-down cheer on San Diego Chargers fans.

Strongside/Weakside: Kris Bryant

By leading the Chicago Cubs in hits and home runs en route to their second straight playoff appearance, Kris Bryant has placed himself in the running for the National League MVP. Is he any good?

Rest Of Nation To Penn State: ‘Something Is Very Wrong With All Of You’

WASHINGTON—Stating they felt deeply unnerved by the community’s unwavering and impassioned defense of a football program and administration that enabled child sexual abuse over the course of several decades, the rest of the country informed Penn State University Friday that there is clearly something very wrong with all of them.

Strongside/Weakside: Lamar Jackson

After passing for eight touchdowns and rushing for another 10 in just the first three weeks of the season, Louisville Cardinals sophomore quarterback Lamar Jackson has quickly become the frontrunner to win the Heisman Trophy. Is he any good?

Strongside/Weakside: Carson Wentz

After being selected second overall in the 2016 NFL Draft, Philadelphia Eagles quarterback Carson Wentz opened the season with a nearly flawless performance in a victory over the Cleveland Browns. Is he any good?
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Onion Sports’ NFL Week Five Picks

OSN shares its expert analysis on the teams that will come away with victory in this weekend’s NFL week five games:

Bills at Browns

OSN’s Lock Of The Week: Browns – Starting quarterback Brian Hoyer will injure his knee and be forced to leave the game, leaving Brandon Weeden to step in and lead the Browns to a 37-24 victory over the Bills. Afterwards, Hoyer will begin wondering if an injury has, in a cruel twist of fate, cost him the starting job he gained when Weeden was ruled out with a thumb sprain in week two. Hoyer will lie awake in bed for hours later that night cutting his left arm, as it gives him a strange yet satisfying sense of control over at least a small portion of his life.

Ravens at Dolphins

OSN’s Pick: Dolphins – Expect Ray Rice to record at least two tackles this week.

Saints At Bears

OSN’s Pick: Saints – The Saints are motivated, knowing that a loss would put them at risk of only taking the NFC South by three or four games.

Patriots At Bengals

OSN’s Pick: Patriots – New England left guard Logan Mankins is better than Cincinnati left guard Clint Boling. It’s as simple as that.

Lions at Packers

OSN’s Pick: Packers – After a disappointing 1-2 start to the season, expect the Pack to do what it takes to keep their playoff delusions alive.

Seahawks at Colts

OSN’s Pick: Colts – Andrew Luck will lead the Colts to victory over the Seahawks, whose offense will struggle because Russell Wilson is too small to cut it as an NFL quarterback.

Jaguars At Rams

OSN’s Pick: Jaguars – Despite being on the road, the crowd will make this feel like a home game for the Jags.

Chiefs at Titans

OSN’s Pick: Titans – Tennessee hasn’t yet allowed a turnover this season, so TE Delanie Walker sure as fuck better keep a tight grip on that 8-yard screen pass at 7:45 in the third quarter.

Eagles At Giants

OSN’s Pick: Eagles – The Giants’ road to 12-4 ends here.

Panthers at Cardinals

OSN’s Pick: Cardinals – The Panthers have so far allowed the fewest yards in the league, but it’s looking increasingly unlikely that they’ll be allowed to play the Giants every week.

Broncos at Cowboys

OSN’s Pick: Broncos – Despite Denver’s outright dominance this season, Dallas should be able to keep it close throughout their first drive.

Texans at 49ers

OSN’s Pick: 49ers – Texans WRs will have their hands full trying to break up Matt Schaub’s passes.

Chargers at Raiders

OSN’s Pick: Chargers – This has the potential to be the greatest NFL game ever broadcast at midnight on a Sunday.

Jets at Falcons

OSN’s Pick: Jets – Geno Smith’s struggles with turnovers will continue as the Jets somehow fall backwards into another fucking win.

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