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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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Onion Sports’ Sweet 16 Picks

OSN shares its expert analysis on the teams that will come away with victory in this year’s NCAA Tournament Sweet 16:

  • Florida vs. UCLA
    OSN’s Pick: Florida — As long as the Gators are hitting their shots, they’ll accumulate points, and that will be key in determining the outcome of this heated matchup.
  • Dayton vs. Stanford
    OSN’s Pick: Dayton — Unlike their opponents, Dayton’s players don’t have anything else to fall back on.
  • Virginia vs. Michigan State
    OSN’s Pick: Michigan State — The Spartans simply don’t have an answer for DeAndre Kane or Melvin Ejim, which isn’t a big deal since neither of them plays for Virginia.
  • Iowa State vs. Connecticut
    OSN’s Pick: Connecticut — Scrappy underdogs UConn will outperform their seven-seed ranking in a heartwarming victory over powerhouse Iowa State.
  • Arizona vs. SDSU
    OSN’s Pick: San Diego State — If these two teams score a combined 130 points or more during Thursday’s matchup, attendees will receive a coupon for automatic admission into either school.
  • Baylor vs. Wisconsin
    OSN’s Pick: Wisconsin — Wisconsin holds a slight edge in a game that is very difficult to predict because chaos governs our universe.
  • Kentucky vs. Louisville
    OSN’s Pick: Louisville — The Cardinals should be able to easily defeat the lower-ranked Wildcats if they manage to block out the cacophony of banjo playing produced by both teams’ fans.
  • Tennessee vs. Michigan
    OSN’s Pick: Tennessee — Holding an 11-2 advantage, the Volunteers have far more seeds than the lowly Wolverines, a gap that will almost certainly be insurmountable.

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