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Politics

Revelations From Hillary Clinton’s New Memoir

‘What Happened,’ a new memoir detailing the trials and tribulations of Hillary Clinton’s 2016 campaign, was released today, with Clinton supporters and detractors already divided on its contents. Here are some of Hillary’s bombshell revelations:

Joe Arpaio’s Family Surprises Him With Detained Hispanic Motorist

FOUNTAIN HILLS, AZ—In celebration of the dismissal of his conviction for criminal contempt via presidential pardon, Joe Arpaio’s family reportedly sought to surprise the former sheriff Tuesday with a 30-year-old Mexican national whom they detained on suspicion of having entered the country illegally.
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Opposition To John Bolton

John Bolton's temporary appointment as U.S. ambassador to the U.N. expires in January. This is what he's done to recently cause renewed opposition from both parties:

  • Replaced his seat at U.N. with comfy hammock
  • Constantly demands reform of other delegates' faces
  • Set up hundreds of committees and subcommittees in effort to cut U.N.'s bureaucratic fat
  • Can't keep pants on when meeting with leading senators
  • Repeatedly says, "Did you hear something? I thought I heard someone talking, but I don't see anyone" when other delegates address floor
  • Used aid allocated for Darfur to upgrade to premium U.N. meal plan
  • Continually lapses into mocking, stereotypical Italian accent
  • Has been generally as effective as rest of U.N.

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