Options For Solving The Debt-Ceiling Crisis

Top Headlines

Recent News

Journeyman Fan Joins Sixth NFL Team In 5 Years

HELENA, MT—Continuing his lengthy trek around the league, sources confirmed Friday that 36-year-old journeyman fan Brian Ferretti has joined the Arizona Cardinals, his sixth team in the past five years.

Is The Nation Ready For The Next Katrina?

Friday marks the 10-year anniversary of when Hurricane Katrina devastated New Orleans, and many commentators have argued that not enough has been done over the past decade to address infrastructure and emergency response issues that could put coastal cities nationwide, including New Orleans, at risk of a catastrophe on a similar scale. Is the nation prepared for another Katrina?
End Of Section
  • More News
TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

House and Home

Deadline For Prior User To Remove Clothes From Dryer Extended 5 Minutes

JOHNSON CITY, TN—Upon finding the machine in her apartment building’s laundry room completely untouched since she last stopped by, exasperated local woman Sandra Hermus reportedly mounted all her magnanimity Monday and extended the deadline for the previous user to remove their clothing from the dryer by five minutes.

Protection

  • Guards Gun Down Four Angels Escaping From Heaven

    THE HEAVENS—Killing four and critically wounding several others, armed guards dispatched from the Right Hand of God reportedly opened fire early Monday morning on a group of angels attempting to escape from heaven. One of the Eternal Kingdom’s...

Options For Solving The Debt-Ceiling Crisis

A number of pundits have suggested the U.S. Treasury mint $1 trillion coins made of platinum to pay the country’s bills. Here are some other ideas the government is considering to solve its debt-ceiling crisis:

  • Increase stamp sales by putting a bit of chocolate on the back side
  • Change name of country to something slightly different and don’t tell creditors what it is
  • Sell Orrin Hatch for scrap
  • Mine more ore—doesn’t matter what kind, just more of it. More ore
  • The next time we borrow from China just say, “Thanks for the free present,” give them a hug, and then quickly leave
  • Raffle off some four-wheelers
  • Obama to paint 1,000 paintings of Bo and sell each of them for $1 billion
  • Blow up debt clock