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Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

Infographic: 20 Years Of Netflix

Netflix was founded as an online DVD rental service in 1997 and has since evolved into a subscription-based streaming platform with its own slate of original programming. The Onion looks back at the most important moments in the company’s 20-year history.

Musical The Kind With Number About Putting On A Show

TALLAHASSEE, FL—Noting the increasingly animated choreography and behavior of the characters on stage, sources at the Tallahassee Community Theatre reported Friday that this is apparently the kind of musical with a big number about putting on a show.

What To Watch For In The New Obi-Wan Kenobi Film

Disney has announced they are in the early stages of developing a stand-alone ‘Star Wars’ film focused on the adventures of Jedi master Obi-Wan Kenobi. Here’s what fans can expect to see in the upcoming release.
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Oscar Handicapping

Every year, Oscar pools are a big part of celebrating the Academy Awards. To help you with your picks, here are some odds on who we think will take home a statue this year:

Best Supporting Actor, Josh Brolin, 10-1: There's an outside chance that voters have mistakenly identified Brolin as the dead one

Best Animated Feature, Bolt, 7-19: Everyone still feeling sorry for John Travolta

Best Sound Mixing, The Curious Case Of Benjamin Button, 3-2: The boom mic work is fucking flawless

Best Writing (Adapted Screenplay), The Curious Case Of Benjamin Button, 5-8: Setting the story during Hurricane Katrina is exactly the sort of daringly obvious manipulation the Academy loves to reward

Best Short Film (Live Action), New Boy, 4-5: Historically, the third film on the ballot in this category receives the most votes, as most Academy members haven't watched any of the nominees, and voting for the first or second one on the list looks too obvious

Best Directing, The Reader, 85-1: For an entire tense scene at the film's climax, a gaffer is clearly visible eating a plate of messy buffalo wings in the background

Best Documentary Feature, Man On Wire, 1-3: It's a documentary, and you've heard of it

Best Leading Actor, Mickey Rourke, 8-11: Rourke's performance as a contrite actor just looking to do the best work of his career has wowed Academy voters

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