Other Notable Sports Figures Of 2010

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Jumbotron Really Trying To Push New Third-Down Cheer On Fans

SAN DIEGO—Noting that the phrase had appeared in large blue letters during each of the team’s offensive drives, sources at Qualcomm Stadium confirmed Friday that the Jumbotron was trying really hard to push a new third-down cheer on San Diego Chargers fans.

Strongside/Weakside: Kris Bryant

By leading the Chicago Cubs in hits and home runs en route to their second straight playoff appearance, Kris Bryant has placed himself in the running for the National League MVP. Is he any good?

Rest Of Nation To Penn State: ‘Something Is Very Wrong With All Of You’

WASHINGTON—Stating they felt deeply unnerved by the community’s unwavering and impassioned defense of a football program and administration that enabled child sexual abuse over the course of several decades, the rest of the country informed Penn State University Friday that there is clearly something very wrong with all of them.

Strongside/Weakside: Lamar Jackson

After passing for eight touchdowns and rushing for another 10 in just the first three weeks of the season, Louisville Cardinals sophomore quarterback Lamar Jackson has quickly become the frontrunner to win the Heisman Trophy. Is he any good?

Strongside/Weakside: Carson Wentz

After being selected second overall in the 2016 NFL Draft, Philadelphia Eagles quarterback Carson Wentz opened the season with a nearly flawless performance in a victory over the Cleveland Browns. Is he any good?

Former WWE Wrestler Found Alive At 44

PHOENIX—In a revelation that has sent shockwaves through the wrestling world, sources confirmed that former WWE wrestler Freddy Hendricks, better known as his in-ring persona “Time Bomb,” was discovered alive Friday at the age of 44.

Strongside/Weakside: Dak Prescott

Having assumed the role after Tony Romo’s injury during the preseason, Dak Prescott is expected to open the NFL regular season as the first rookie quarterback to start for the Dallas Cowboys since 2004. Is he any good?

Study: 96% Of Pickup Games Decided By Next Score

PRINCETON, NJ—Noting that none of the game’s earlier events factored into the final outcome in any way whatsoever, a study released Wednesday by researchers at Princeton University revealed that 96 percent of all pickup games are decided by the next score.
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Other Notable Sports Figures Of 2010

Not all of them garnered the attention or the acclaim of LeBron and Landon, but it wouldn't be fair to talk about the year in sports without mentioning these athletes:

  • Tiger Woods: Made the world wonder how much pussy Arnold Palmer and Jack Nicklaus were getting to stay sharp when they dominated the game
  • Tim Lincecum: Instead of conquering his drug problem to appear in the World Series as Josh Hamilton did, the Giants' ace went out and won the damn thing while getting high as shit the whole time
  • John Wooden: Selflessly prevented George Steinbrenner from being this year's most notable sports death
  • Albert Pujols: Probably hit a bunch of home runs or whatever again this year
  • Jessica Bratich: During the 2010 National Karate Championships in Albany, Jessica kicks 12 people's heads off
  • Jimmie Johnson: Showed us all there was still hope for America when, after he won his fifth straight NASCAR championship, the vast majority of the nation just didn't care
  • Stephen Strasburg: Had the most anticipated surgery debut in baseball history
  • Rafael Nadal: Absolutely the kind of athlete who should be on a list like this


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