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Sports

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.
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Other Notable Sports Figures Of 2010

Not all of them garnered the attention or the acclaim of LeBron and Landon, but it wouldn't be fair to talk about the year in sports without mentioning these athletes:

  • Tiger Woods: Made the world wonder how much pussy Arnold Palmer and Jack Nicklaus were getting to stay sharp when they dominated the game
  • Tim Lincecum: Instead of conquering his drug problem to appear in the World Series as Josh Hamilton did, the Giants' ace went out and won the damn thing while getting high as shit the whole time
  • John Wooden: Selflessly prevented George Steinbrenner from being this year's most notable sports death
  • Albert Pujols: Probably hit a bunch of home runs or whatever again this year
  • Jessica Bratich: During the 2010 National Karate Championships in Albany, Jessica kicks 12 people's heads off
  • Jimmie Johnson: Showed us all there was still hope for America when, after he won his fifth straight NASCAR championship, the vast majority of the nation just didn't care
  • Stephen Strasburg: Had the most anticipated surgery debut in baseball history
  • Rafael Nadal: Absolutely the kind of athlete who should be on a list like this

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