PayPal Founder To Create Island

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DOYLESTOWN, PA—Facetiously questioning how the game had suddenly become a non-contact sport, local father Aaron Harper confirmed his belief Thursday that referees officiating a Thanksgiving game between the Philadelphia Eagles and Detroit Lions should just let them play football out there.
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PayPal Founder To Create Island

Peter Thiel, the founder of PayPal and an early investor in Facebook, is putting $1.25 million of his own money toward the creation of artificial libertarian island-nations. Here are some of the features the islands will include:

  • Large monument paying tribute to Bob Barr and his heroic 0.4 percent of the popular vote in the 2008 presidential election
  • Annual contest to see which island-dweller can best hijack a normal conversation with a tirade about the corrupt U.S. tax code
  • Huge pile of free guns right in the middle of each island
  • Canning operation free from restrictive boiling and acidity-regulation rules
  • Penn and Teller, every Thursday night
  • Large ceremonial nonfunctioning national debt clock that just reads "0"
  • A swimmin' hole
  • Emergency blue-light phones that connect directly to the Cato Institute
  • A bunch of Republicans anyway
  • Occasional arbitrary tax on the population just to give them something to get riled up about, which, for many libertarians, is their sole reason for existing