Planning The Perfect Road Trip

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Night Out Consecrated With Opening Exchange Of High-Fives

CHARLOTTE, NC—Kicking off the evening with their customary expression of excitement and camaraderie, a group of friends reportedly consecrated their night out on the town Friday with a ceremonial opening exchange of high-fives.

Man Has No Idea What To Do With Good Mood

FRANKLIN, WI—Weighing various options for how to proceed given the unexpectedness of the situation, local 33-year-old Trevor Clifford was reportedly at a complete loss as to what he should do Monday after suddenly finding himself in a good mood.

Fun-Loving Turtle All Business When It's Feeding Time

GATLINBURG, TN—Though playful and fun-loving through the vast majority of his day, local pet turtle Beeper instantly ceases all frivolity and grows intensely focused when it comes time for his daily feeding, owner Martin DeCarlo reported Monday.

Abandoned Mall Retains Eerie Vestiges Of Fun Shopping Atmosphere

ROSEVILLE, MN–The silent hull of Northlands Mall disquieted Erik Sandvig Monday, when the local man gazed through the locked glass doors of what was, in happier times, "Roseville's One-Stop Shopping Fun Zone." "Man, it's really creepy," Sandvig said of the once-thriving mall's mausoleum-like stillness. "There's the Sam Goody where you could get all the hottest new releases. And right next door is the Foot Locker that had all your favorite gear from Nike and Adidas." His nostalgic longing satisfied, Sandvig walked on, leaving the ghosts of former fun-seeking shoppers to roam the aisles undisturbed.

Snacktime Made More Fun

ORRVILLE, OH—The national pastime of eating delicious, reasonably priced snack-food items between meals was made more fun Monday, when the J.M. Smucker Company introduced Smucker's® Super-Snackers. The new product, which differs from ordinary Smucker's® Snackers due to the inclusion of new "Magic" Color-Change Sprinkles, is expected to propel already-soaring national snacktime-fun levels to unprecedented heights by mid-spring.
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Planning The Perfect Road Trip

With summer fast approaching, many people are planning long car trips to visit tourist attractions, see old friends, or simply hit the open road. Here are some tips for a fun and fulfilling road trip:

  • Preparedness is your best ally when driving long distances, so practice looking out car windows for at least a week before embarking on any road trip.
  • Assemble a ragtag group of friends who have some stuff to work out and maybe something they’re running away from.
  • If you’re having trouble visualizing the idea of one long road trip, try looking at your vacation as a series of tiny commutes.
  • The whole point of a road trip is to have fun, so wherever you’re headed, make sure to leave time for a side trip to Tommy Bartlett’s Robot World.
  • Operating a car can be exhausting, so make sure you switch drivers every three to four minutes.
  • Protect your vehicle from overheating by applying a thick layer of SPF 50 to its exterior.
  • Drive with ham strapped to the hood of your car for a chance to see our nation’s glorious array of native birds.
  • Always keep a spare tire in your trunk in case you find a strong tree branch over a swimming hole.
  • Wait, wait, this is exit 264 right here. Get in the right lane. You’re good. This guy is letting you in. YOU’RE GOOD! JUST GO!
  • When night falls, pitch your car into a tree to keep bears from getting at your food.
  • Make sure you don’t have your life-changing epiphany until the penultimate day of the road trip. Any earlier and the rest of the drive will just seem like a waste.
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