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Best Sports Video Games Of All Time

With titles such as ‘FIFA 17’ and ’NBA 2K17’ expected to be popular gifts this holiday season, Onion Sports looks back on some of the best sports video games of all time.

Strongside/Weakside: Ezekiel Elliott

After becoming only the third player in NFL history to rush for 1,000 yards in his first nine games, Dallas Cowboys rookie running back Ezekiel Elliott is an early candidate for league MVP. Is he any good?

Strongside/Weakside: Theo Epstein

In just five seasons, Chicago Cubs president of baseball operations Theo Epstein assembled a team that is competing for the franchise’s first World Series title since 1908. Is he any good?

Jumbotron Really Trying To Push New Third-Down Cheer On Fans

SAN DIEGO—Noting that the phrase had appeared in large blue letters during each of the team’s offensive drives, sources at Qualcomm Stadium confirmed Friday that the Jumbotron was trying really hard to push a new third-down cheer on San Diego Chargers fans.

Strongside/Weakside: Kris Bryant

By leading the Chicago Cubs in hits and home runs en route to their second straight playoff appearance, Kris Bryant has placed himself in the running for the National League MVP. Is he any good?

Rest Of Nation To Penn State: ‘Something Is Very Wrong With All Of You’

WASHINGTON—Stating they felt deeply unnerved by the community’s unwavering and impassioned defense of a football program and administration that enabled child sexual abuse over the course of several decades, the rest of the country informed Penn State University Friday that there is clearly something very wrong with all of them.

Strongside/Weakside: Lamar Jackson

After passing for eight touchdowns and rushing for another 10 in just the first three weeks of the season, Louisville Cardinals sophomore quarterback Lamar Jackson has quickly become the frontrunner to win the Heisman Trophy. Is he any good?
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Player-Led Workouts

In a normal year, most NFL teams would be starting their minicamps right now. With the lockout in effect, some players have taken the initiative to organize workouts on their own, with varying degrees of success.

  • Albert Haynesworth: 15 reps of breakfast
  • Buffalo Bills: Ryan Fitzpatrick organized a specialized passing practice at his house, during which teammates could come over and teach him how to properly throw the ball
  • Arizona Cardinals: Larry Fitzgerald invited several top players from different teams to work out at his Arizona compound, where he organized drills and begged them to sign with the Cardinals
  • San Fransisco 49ers: QB Alex Smith has been throwing to receivers Josh Morgan and Ted Ginn, though neither of them have caught any passes and both have repeatedly told him to get out of their homes
  • Tennessee Titans: TE Craig Stevens started working out at a nearby high school but was asked to leave about 20 minutes later
  • Chicago Bears: Defensive players practiced their team fundamentals by having linebacker Lance Briggs hit the tackling dummies while linebacker Brian Urlacher got all the credit
  • Kansas City Chiefs: Just holding regular offseason workouts as usual, because who pays any attention to the Chiefs?
  • Nobody: Working their asses off in negotiations so there can actually be some fucking football this year

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