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What To Watch For In The New Obi-Wan Kenobi Film

Disney has announced they are in the early stages of developing a stand-alone ‘Star Wars’ film focused on the adventures of Jedi master Obi-Wan Kenobi. Here’s what fans can expect to see in the upcoming release.

Man In Center Of Political Spectrum Under Impression He Less Obnoxious

MT. VERNON, OH—Loudly explaining to anyone within earshot that both the left and right were ruining the level of discourse in this country, Jesse Levin, a man firmly in the center of the political spectrum, is under the impression that he is less obnoxious than those with more partisan viewpoints, sources reported Friday.
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Pope Francis’ Plans For Modernizing The Catholic Church

Pope Francis has made efforts to modernize the Catholic Church by embracing technology, saying that he would not judge homosexuals, and considering the removal of celibacy as a requirement of the priesthood. Here are some of the other progressive reforms the pope is considering:

  • New Bible with stronger female characters
  • Cocking mitre slightly to the side
  • Embracing more modern contraceptive methods such as pulling out and having sex in a bathtub
  • Rebooting Satan with darker backstory
  • Concluding every sermon, mass, and blessing with the phrase “But that’s just my opinion”
  • Denim vestments
  • Replacing cross logo with stylish interlocking “JC” monogram
  • Abolishing Catholic Church

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