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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.

Manager Can’t Remember Why He Came Out To Mound

HOUSTON—Visibly irritated with himself as he paced around the pitcher’s plate after calling for time during the fourth inning of their game against the Washington Nationals, Houston Astros manager A.J. Hinch could not remember why he came out to the mound in the first place, sources confirmed Thursday.
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Presidential First Pitches

The president throwing out the ceremonial first pitch is as revered a tradition as anything in America. We look at some of the most memorable.

  • 1833: Although the popularization of baseball is still decades off, Andrew Jackson begins the tradition of welcoming in the spring by hurling things at Indians
  • 1944: FDR laboriously rolls his wheelchair out to the pitching mound, then stuns the crowd with a 100 mph fastball
  • 1949: Thomas E. Dewey is nearly finished with his windup before Harry Truman snatches the ball from his hand
  • 1965: LBJ scratches his crotch for a full eight minutes before delivering the first pitch
  • 1975: Although Gerald Ford did not fall while throwing out the first pitch of the season, everyone in attendance remembers him doing so
  • 1988: All set to make his first pitch, President Reagan notices the ball in his hand, puts it in his pocket, and wanders toward the A's clubhouse
  • 2001: Fans at Miller Park avert their eyes and nervously pretend to check their watches as George W. Bush walks out to the mound in full catcher's gear
  • 2007: Vice President Dick Cheney becomes the first person to throw a first pitch to complete silence

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