Pretty Balloons: Where Are They Now?

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Vol 45 Issue 09

Paul Harvey Dead At 90

Legendary radio broadcaster Paul Harvey died of undisclosed causes in Arizona on Saturday. What do you think?

Stripper Putting Herself Through Life

JUPITER, FL—"I've got dreams a lot bigger than this dump," exotic dancer Nina Meyer explained. "I'm only doing this because there's no way I'll ever achieve them."
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Fantasy Sports

Little League Pitcher Just Getting Fucking Shelled

RED BANK, NJ—After watching the 11-year-old give up the fourth straight double that inning, sources confirmed Sunday afternoon that local Little League pitcher Dustin Bauer is getting absolutely fucking shelled out there.

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