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The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:

A Timeline Of The EPA

A recently introduced House bill that would dissolve the Environmental Protection Agency questions the value of what this agency does and what its goals are. The Onion provides a timeline of the EPA’s 47-year history:
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Private Space Flight

Space Exploration Technologies, the company created by PayPal cofounder Elon Musk, recently launched a rocket that stalled before reaching its goal of orbiting the Earth. Here are some other highlights in the history of private space flight:

1956: Tom Hanks is born

1959: In Yosemite, a local outlaw gets so riled up by an irrepressible rabbit that he leaps into the stratosphere, accelerated by low body mass and downward-firing six-shooters

1975: Space Mountain opens in Orlando, FL

1979: Two Ohio men go missing after building a large-scale copy of one of those red plastic water rockets and pumping it 200 times

1995: Colorado sells its rockets to private citizens to pay for a new stadium

2001: 9-year-old Jenny Steven's parents confirm that her recently deceased dog is floating up in space watching over her

2002: Lance Bass fails in his bid to be the second homosexual in space

2004: Sir Richard Branson spends an entire week breaking in the space suit he plans to wear on his first trip to the moon

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