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Sports

Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Sixth Super Bowl Win Continues To Elude Patriots

HOUSTON—As disappointed players and coaches returned to the locker room following the end of Super Bowl LI, members of the New England Patriots acknowledged to reporters Sunday that the team’s sixth Super Bowl title continues to elude them.

Greatest Super Bowl Halftime Shows

The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

NFL Loses Rights To ‘Super Bowl’

NEW YORK—After failing to agree to terms for a new licensing agreement before the February 3 deadline, the NFL lost the rights to the term “Super Bowl” on Friday, sources confirmed.
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Problems With Athletes' Charities

A recent Dallas Morning News report revealed that many charities run by sports stars are poorly managed, with some organizations appearing to exist only to employ the athletes' friends. Some extreme examples:

  • Elton Brand: Despite its purported focus on helping single parents by creating after-school basketball programs, the Elton Brand Foundation is merely a front to give Brand a forum in which to dunk on children all day
  • Kyle Busch: Forced to shut down his Motor for Life Fund when authorities learned its stated purpose of "teaching sportsmanship, dignity, and respect to underprivileged children" was actually accomplished through playing the original arcade version of Cruis'n USA
  • Allen Iverson: Claimed the goal of his Answer Foundation was to end world hunger; used the charity's money to hold an annual press conference and ask if world hunger was over yet
  • Flutie Flakes: Well, they didn't cure autism
  • Michael Jordan: Though the Michael Jordan Foundation has done a lot for Chicago's inner-city youth, the charity is often considered a disgrace, as it was started only after a friend bet Jordan $5 million that he wouldn't establish a charity benefiting Chicago's inner-city youth
  • Takeru Kobayashi: While competing in December's event to raise money on behalf of the Food Bank for New York City, ate the Food Bank for New York City
  • James Naismith Sporting Trust: Hasn't done a single thing since shipping off a box of basketballs to an Indian school in 1939
  • Michael Vick: Doesn't really matter what the hell this guy does, frankly
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