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Politics

Bill O’Reilly Tearfully Packs Up Framed Up-Skirt Photos From Desk

NEW YORK—Smiling wistfully as he gazed at the cherished mementos that had sat on his desk for much of the past 20 years, former Fox News commentator Bill O’Reilly reportedly grew teary-eyed Thursday as he packed up the framed up-skirt photos from his work space following his termination by the cable channel.

Donald Trump Jr. Takes Son On Hunting Trip In National Zoo

WASHINGTON—In what he referred to as an important rite of passage for his 8-year-old son, Donald John III, Donald Trump Jr. took his eldest boy to the Smithsonian National Zoological Park for his first-ever hunting trip, sources said Wednesday.
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Proposition 8 Overturned

Last week, a federal judge ruled that California's same-sex marriage ban was unconstitutional, leaving many proponents of Proposition 8 scrambling for new ways to stop gay marriage. Here are some of their strategies:

  • Launching a nationwide movement to redefine heterosexual marriage as "super-marriage"
  • Nonstop purity balls
  • Allowing students to shower with opposite-sex peers in gym class
  • A cap-and-trade system in which homosexual couples can buy marriage credits when heterosexual couples get divorced or die
  • Proposition 233, a new law requiring all couples who seek a marriage license, regardless of their sexuality, to submit a detailed plan for returning California to fiscal solvency
  • If any of your uncles feel weird about it, the wedding's off
  • Spend $90 million on a bold ad campaign for Oregon that highlights the state's quaint scenery, abundance of antique shops, and many nonjudgmental communities
  • Just keep the protest signs in front yards comin'

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