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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
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Pros And Cons Of An NFL Franchise In London

  • PRO: Desire to see grown men crush each other knows no nationality
  • CON: Players may react poorly to prim but adorable trainers who fly with aid of parasol and burst into character-building songs every 10 minutes
  • PRO: British prisons have plenty of room for athletes
  • CON: British viewers have a tendency to say "oh, my!" and faint at even the mildest block
  • PRO: Could call team the London Fog and helmet could feature a badass cloud
  • CON: Entire fucking ocean away from every other team
  • PRO: Fans actually polite and well-spoken right up until they riot and push each other through chain-link fences
  • CON: Victorious coaches will not enjoy being doused with 40 gallons of hot tea
  • PRO: Great way to piss off L.A.
  • CON: Changing of the Left Guards loses its flair after the third or fourth time

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