Pros And Cons Of An NFL Franchise In London

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Vol 45 Issue 44

House Haunted By Tortured Souls Of Current Residents

HARTFORD, MI—On the outside it may look like any other home, but within the walls of 6535 Maple Ave. lies a terrifying secret: Every night, when the sun goes down and the moon comes out, this suburban bungalow is haunted by the restless, tormented souls of its residents, the Davidson family.
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Pros And Cons Of An NFL Franchise In London

  • PRO: Desire to see grown men crush each other knows no nationality
  • CON: Players may react poorly to prim but adorable trainers who fly with aid of parasol and burst into character-building songs every 10 minutes
  • PRO: British prisons have plenty of room for athletes
  • CON: British viewers have a tendency to say "oh, my!" and faint at even the mildest block
  • PRO: Could call team the London Fog and helmet could feature a badass cloud
  • CON: Entire fucking ocean away from every other team
  • PRO: Fans actually polite and well-spoken right up until they riot and push each other through chain-link fences
  • CON: Victorious coaches will not enjoy being doused with 40 gallons of hot tea
  • PRO: Great way to piss off L.A.
  • CON: Changing of the Left Guards loses its flair after the third or fourth time
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