adBlockCheck

Recent News

Brad Pitt Sidelined 6 To 8 Weeks With Red Carpet Toe

LOS ANGELES—Saying doctors strongly recommended that he stay off the injured foot, representatives for Brad Pitt confirmed to reporters Sunday that the actor was sidelined six to eight weeks with a case of red carpet toe.

The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:
End Of Section
  • More News

Pros And Cons Of Raising The Minimum Wage

As cities around the country, including Los Angeles, New York, Chicago, and Seattle, pass or propose legislation to substantially increase the minimum wage for workers, debate has raged over the potential economic, social, and fiscal impact. Here are some of the pros and cons of raising the minimum wage:

PROS

  • Lifts workers out of poverty to brink of poverty
  • One less thing to feel shitty about when leaving Chick-fil-A
  • Shorter lines at pawn shops
  • Higher morale among workers who aren’t casualties of cost-cutting layoffs
  • Gets picketers out of pathway to Big Mac
  • Bargain compared to cost of creating actual social safety net

CONS

  • Workers will grow complacent and lazy if they can afford basic human needs
  • Still just as insulting that your boss pays you lowest amount he or she legally allowed to
  • Awkwardness of being served by cashiers wearing top hats and monocles
  • 16-year-old cashier set to live like fucking king for rest of summer
  • Employee benefits like paid vacation, gym membership, and yoga sessions could be slashed for thousands of line cooks and convenience store clerks
  • Increases expense of exploiting workers



More Videos

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close
settings