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Report: Look How Big Player Is Next To Sideline Reporter

GREEN BAY, WI—Marveling at the pronounced disparity in size during the postgame interview, sources confirmed Sunday that, Jesus Christ, just look at how big Houston Texans nose tackle Vince Wilfork is next to the CBS sideline reporter.

Best Sports Video Games Of All Time

With titles such as ‘FIFA 17’ and ’NBA 2K17’ expected to be popular gifts this holiday season, Onion Sports looks back on some of the best sports video games of all time.

Strongside/Weakside: Ezekiel Elliott

After becoming only the third player in NFL history to rush for 1,000 yards in his first nine games, Dallas Cowboys rookie running back Ezekiel Elliott is an early candidate for league MVP. Is he any good?

Strongside/Weakside: Theo Epstein

In just five seasons, Chicago Cubs president of baseball operations Theo Epstein assembled a team that is competing for the franchise’s first World Series title since 1908. Is he any good?

Jumbotron Really Trying To Push New Third-Down Cheer On Fans

SAN DIEGO—Noting that the phrase had appeared in large blue letters during each of the team’s offensive drives, sources at Qualcomm Stadium confirmed Friday that the Jumbotron was trying really hard to push a new third-down cheer on San Diego Chargers fans.

Strongside/Weakside: Kris Bryant

By leading the Chicago Cubs in hits and home runs en route to their second straight playoff appearance, Kris Bryant has placed himself in the running for the National League MVP. Is he any good?

Rest Of Nation To Penn State: ‘Something Is Very Wrong With All Of You’

WASHINGTON—Stating they felt deeply unnerved by the community’s unwavering and impassioned defense of a football program and administration that enabled child sexual abuse over the course of several decades, the rest of the country informed Penn State University Friday that there is clearly something very wrong with all of them.

Strongside/Weakside: Lamar Jackson

After passing for eight touchdowns and rushing for another 10 in just the first three weeks of the season, Louisville Cardinals sophomore quarterback Lamar Jackson has quickly become the frontrunner to win the Heisman Trophy. Is he any good?
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Puppy Bowl Highlights

Onion Sports looks back at the best-ever moments from Super Sunday's other big event throughout the years:

1869: Rutgers the basset hound and Princeton the cocker spaniel square off in a playful romp that will eventually inspire today's Puppy Bowl

1950: In what is generally agreed on as the worst Puppy Bowl in history, everyone just shits all over the place

1982: The introduction of a new puppy funnel which adds extra puppies every 10 seconds is quickly discontinued after a major sheepdog clog

1984: In one of the greatest moments in Puppy Bowl history, golden retriever pup Maxwell puts his dear little face right up to the camera and just looks so confused and curious, and—oh, it was just the most adorable thing

2001: The XPL, a much-hyped competing puppy league, fails to find an audience and is disbanded; scrappy Doberman He Spayed Me is the only puppy asked to try out for the Puppy Bowl

2002: Dennis Miller is fired as Puppy Bowl commentator and is replaced by peppy soft jazz

2003: In a patriotic display for dogs serving in Iraq, the Puppy Bowl gets its first flyover by some cute puppies dressed up as baby eagles and suspended on wires

2004: Aerosmith plays the Kitty Half-Time Show

2007: Michael Vick is banned from ever again guest-refereeing Puppy Bowl

2008: Kala wins the Puppy Bowl by a final score of "Aaaaaaaaawwwwwwww!!!!!" to "Aaaaawwww!!"

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