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Reasons For Britney Spears' Divorce

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Director Has Clear Vision Of How Studio Will Destroy Movie

LOS ANGELES—Saying he can already picture exactly what the finished cut will look like on the big screen, Hollywood film director Paul Stanton told reporters Wednesday he has a clear vision of how studio executives will totally destroy his upcoming movie.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of June 14, 2016

ARIES: Once the laughter dies down, the party favors are put away, and the monkeys led back inside their cages, you’ll finally be given a chance to explain your side of the story.

Hollywood Stars Overthrown In Bloody C-List Uprising

LOS ANGELES—Unleashing a brutal wave of violence and destruction that has upended the entire power structure of the entertainment industry overnight, the nation’s C-list celebrities have carried out a bloody coup to overthrow the hottest stars in Hollywood, sources reported Tuesday.
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Reasons For Britney Spears' Divorce

Last week, Britney Spears announced plans to divorce husband Kevin Federline. Here are the reasons the couple decided to split:

  • Passionate fire flickered out during burping contest
  • Writing team producing next album needed more material
  • Federline kept eating last Zinger in freezer without replacing it
  • Ran out of things to talk about
  • Stud contract required Federline be returned to breeder after second successful siring
  • Decision made by write-in vote for Kids' Choice Awards
  • Federline's late nights at the office became too much of a strain
  • Kevin was being all jerky and Britney was all like, "Get out. Jeez!"

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