adBlockCheck

Politics

Bill O’Reilly Tearfully Packs Up Framed Up-Skirt Photos From Desk

NEW YORK—Smiling wistfully as he gazed at the cherished mementos that had sat on his desk for much of the past 20 years, former Fox News commentator Bill O’Reilly reportedly grew teary-eyed Thursday as he packed up the framed up-skirt photos from his work space following his termination by the cable channel.

Donald Trump Jr. Takes Son On Hunting Trip In National Zoo

WASHINGTON—In what he referred to as an important rite of passage for his 8-year-old son, Donald John III, Donald Trump Jr. took his eldest boy to the Smithsonian National Zoological Park for his first-ever hunting trip, sources said Wednesday.
End Of Section
  • More News

Reasons For Obama’s Low Approval Rating

A new Quinnipiac University poll released Thursday showed that President Obama’s approval rating has plunged to 44 percent. Here are the reasons why Americans say they disapprove of Obama's job performance:

  • Hasn’t killed Osama bin Laden in over two years
  • Flawed handling of humanity’s inherent capacity for violence and deceit
  • Ranking someone else as poor engenders fleeting perception of superiority
  • Nightmarish oligarchy wherein millions of unemployed Americans watch as the wealthy grow endlessly richer somewhat of a bummer
  • Weak, effeminate hands
  • All that shit about his birth certificate and Obamacare
  • Has consistently wavered back and forth between doing nothing about climate change and doing nothing about gun control
  • Failed to preserve Americans’ blissful ignorance regarding privacy violations
  • Did not enact 9-9-9 taxation plan to fix economy and create jobs
  • Is unable to deliver consistently high approval ratings
  • Though the U.S. president admittedly has no influence over relevant crude oil production, a factor that is well beyond any one person’s direct control, fact remains that gas prices are fucking crazy right now
  • 2013

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close