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Sports

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.
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Recent Highlights From Lesser-Known Sports

As the sports world slows down for the summer, we take the opportunity to review what's been happening in less-heralded arenas of competition.

  • Professional kayaker Brad Ludden is named MVP of the 2010 Kayaking All-Star Game after scoring 20 kayaks, racking up 10 offensive and defensive kayaks, and tallying 12 kayak assists
  • Record-breaking attendance at the USA Indoor Badminton playoffs force the staff of the Chattanooga Convention Center to set up a few extra chairs
  • ASU students Matthew Goddard and Jay Winslow invent and master the game "Kick This Against That" on their drunken walk back from their fraternity
  • The 2010 Hong Kong Junior & Cadet Open international table-tennis tournament is delayed indefinitely, even with the officials also getting down on their hands and knees to look for the missing ping-pong ball
  • PBA star Mike Scroggins celebrates an 800 series by heading to the bowling alley's arcade and playing with the steering wheel and shifter on the OutRun game
  • Competitors at the 2010 World Professional Billiards Championship realize that it's way more fun to whip the balls super-hard against the rails
  • Doug Walters of Columbus, OH sets a youth soccer league record by missing 16 of his son's games
  • In a disappointing finish, members of the Harvard men's crew team are not beaten with their own oars until the River Charles runs crimson with their life's blood

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