Recent Highlights From Lesser-Known Sports

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Vol 46 Issue 32

Ochocinco, Owens Preparing Touchdown Celebration Opera

CINCINNATI—Bengals wide receivers Chad Ochocinco and Terrell Owens reportedly stayed late after practice Tuesday to begin writing the libretto and music for, and start preliminary blocking on, a new touchdown-celebration opera.

New Edition Of Bible Specifically Mentions Second Amendment

CHICAGO—A new translation of the Bible released this week directly mentions the Second Amendment on eight occasions, and includes a version of Psalm 23 that begins, "The Lord is my shepherd, and the right of the people to keep and bear arms sha...

Employees Suspect Old Man Came To Roy Rogers To Die

ALLENTOWN, PA—"He came shuffling in really slowly this morning and just sort of slumped over there in the back," said cashier Brianne Pecor, 17, who claimed the old man has ordered nothing in the past two hours but a small cup of coffee. "It's pretty heartbreaking to watch. Guess the poor old guy doesn't have much of an appetite left. He's probably just looking for a calm, quiet corner where he can curl up and pass away."

Medical Tourism May Spread Superbug

A new strain of bacteria that is immune to most antibiotics has been found in patients who underwent surgery in India, and its imminent spread is worrying experts.
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Technology Unfortunately Allows Distant Friends To Reconnect

WAYNE, PA—Providing them the tools necessary to bridge a gap that both individuals say they were more than willing to maintain indefinitely, sources confirmed Monday that the advent of modern technology has unfortunately allowed distant friends Mere...

Recent Highlights From Lesser-Known Sports

As the sports world slows down for the summer, we take the opportunity to review what's been happening in less-heralded arenas of competition.

  • Professional kayaker Brad Ludden is named MVP of the 2010 Kayaking All-Star Game after scoring 20 kayaks, racking up 10 offensive and defensive kayaks, and tallying 12 kayak assists
  • Record-breaking attendance at the USA Indoor Badminton playoffs force the staff of the Chattanooga Convention Center to set up a few extra chairs
  • ASU students Matthew Goddard and Jay Winslow invent and master the game "Kick This Against That" on their drunken walk back from their fraternity
  • The 2010 Hong Kong Junior & Cadet Open international table-tennis tournament is delayed indefinitely, even with the officials also getting down on their hands and knees to look for the missing ping-pong ball
  • PBA star Mike Scroggins celebrates an 800 series by heading to the bowling alley's arcade and playing with the steering wheel and shifter on the OutRun game
  • Competitors at the 2010 World Professional Billiards Championship realize that it's way more fun to whip the balls super-hard against the rails
  • Doug Walters of Columbus, OH sets a youth soccer league record by missing 16 of his son's games
  • In a disappointing finish, members of the Harvard men's crew team are not beaten with their own oars until the River Charles runs crimson with their life's blood
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