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Milestones In X Games History

With the X Games kicking off in Minneapolis this Thursday, The Onion looks back at memorable moments in the event’s 22-year history:

ESPN Holds Daytime ESPYs

HARTFORD, CT—Recognizing the best in sports programming that occurs on weekdays from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m., ESPN held the Daytime ESPY Awards at the Hartford XL Center Wednesday afternoon.

Man Hoping Game Gets Out Of Hand So He Can Do Something Else

DENVER—Settling into his apartment’s cramped living room to watch the midday game, local man Garrett Neubauer told reporters Wednesday that he hoped the televised baseball game between the Colorado Rockies and the San Francisco Giants would get out of hand soon so he could do something else.

OB-GYN Assures Serena Williams Fetus Developing Serve On Schedule

WEST PALM BEACH, FL—Observing that the unborn child was producing the smooth, fluid strokes expected in the third trimester, ob-gyn Dr. Theresa Umbers reportedly assured world No. 4–ranked tennis player Serena Williams at an appointment Tuesday that her fetus was developing its serve right on schedule.

New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

LOS ANGELES—Following a 10-year study of more than 500 professional and amateur fighters, a report released Thursday by the UCLA Department of Physiology found that mixed martial arts could be bad for your knees.
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Recent Highlights From Lesser-Known Sports

As the sports world slows down for the summer, we take the opportunity to review what's been happening in less-heralded arenas of competition.

  • Professional kayaker Brad Ludden is named MVP of the 2010 Kayaking All-Star Game after scoring 20 kayaks, racking up 10 offensive and defensive kayaks, and tallying 12 kayak assists
  • Record-breaking attendance at the USA Indoor Badminton playoffs force the staff of the Chattanooga Convention Center to set up a few extra chairs
  • ASU students Matthew Goddard and Jay Winslow invent and master the game "Kick This Against That" on their drunken walk back from their fraternity
  • The 2010 Hong Kong Junior & Cadet Open international table-tennis tournament is delayed indefinitely, even with the officials also getting down on their hands and knees to look for the missing ping-pong ball
  • PBA star Mike Scroggins celebrates an 800 series by heading to the bowling alley's arcade and playing with the steering wheel and shifter on the OutRun game
  • Competitors at the 2010 World Professional Billiards Championship realize that it's way more fun to whip the balls super-hard against the rails
  • Doug Walters of Columbus, OH sets a youth soccer league record by missing 16 of his son's games
  • In a disappointing finish, members of the Harvard men's crew team are not beaten with their own oars until the River Charles runs crimson with their life's blood

More from this section

Milestones In X Games History

With the X Games kicking off in Minneapolis this Thursday, The Onion looks back at memorable moments in the event’s 22-year history:

ESPN Holds Daytime ESPYs

HARTFORD, CT—Recognizing the best in sports programming that occurs on weekdays from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m., ESPN held the Daytime ESPY Awards at the Hartford XL Center Wednesday afternoon.

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