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OB-GYN Assures Serena Williams Fetus Developing Serve On Schedule

WEST PALM BEACH, FL—Observing that the unborn child was producing the smooth, fluid strokes expected in the third trimester, ob-gyn Dr. Theresa Umbers reportedly assured world No. 4–ranked tennis player Serena Williams at an appointment Tuesday that her fetus was developing its serve right on schedule.

New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

LOS ANGELES—Following a 10-year study of more than 500 professional and amateur fighters, a report released Thursday by the UCLA Department of Physiology found that mixed martial arts could be bad for your knees.

Mr. Met’s Son Beginning To Think He Adopted

NEW YORK—Pointing out that there was little physical resemblance between himself and the rest of his family, the 10-year-old son of New York Mets mascot Mr. Met told reporters Tuesday that he was beginning to think he was adopted.

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.
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Recently Greenlit Sports Movies

Sports movies have always been a Hollywood staple, and lately they've become more popular than ever. Here are the latest projects to begin production:

Kid Referee: A loophole in the NBA referee system allows 12-year-old Jeremy Debacker to achieve his dream of officiating professional games, but will that mean less time with his best buds?

Southpaws: An entire team of lefties? Oh boy. Here come the hijinks!

Ken Burns's Slamball: This 22-hour epic documentary takes the viewer through the triumphant beginnings of Slamball in 2002 all the way through its tragic end in 2003

Stop Or My Mom Will Lead A Ragtag Bunch Of Misfits To The All-City Little League Championship: Starring Sylvester Stallone, Estelle Getty

Air Bud, Color Commentator: A twice-divorced golden retriever struggles with the twin demons of alcoholism and his inability to connect with his litter while trying to build a broadcasting career and adjust to the mundanity of life after sports stardom

Untitled Sports Sequel Project: FOX Searchlight has already budgeted $45 million for this sequel to an as-yet-undetermined sports movie

Most Valuable Pig: Walter, a lovable but clumsy old English bulldog, attempts to fill the hooves of the Arkansas Razorbacks pig, but when he takes over as the team's mascot, he struggles to live up to the hog's revered oink

Bump…Set…Net: Will Ferrell and Jack Black star as out-of-shape beach volleyball players, who spend two hours joking about sand in their swim trunks, lose the big tournament to a pair of seals, and redeem themselves in some outrageous way

A Sound Of Chocolate Thunder: Charles Barkley plays a time-traveling guide who takes clients back into the past to watch sporting events, and accidentally prevents a 1979 Darryl Dawkins slam dunk, creating a time paradox that prevents dunking from existing in the future

The Cat That Couldn't Play Basketball: Jeremy is a cat, and therefore couldn't dream of playing basketball. So he doesn't

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