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Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.
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Record Flight Delays

This summer has been one of the worst in recent years for flight delays, particularly for passengers stuck on the runway. Here are some of the factors behind the delays:

Pilot not exactly in hurry to get to Buffalo

Flight dispatcher working on psychology dissertation, titled "Human Reactions In Confined, Deteriorating Conditions"

Gremlin on wing prematurely destroying engines prior to takeoff instead of waiting until plane hits 30,000 feet

Airlines figure passengers will question safety if planes just take off willy-nilly

Cockpit tip jar empty

Good-natured pilots agreeing to wait for any and all passengers running a little late to airport

Pilots vs. luggage handlers softball game went into extra innings

Security needs more time to squint at you

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