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Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

Infographic: 20 Years Of Netflix

Netflix was founded as an online DVD rental service in 1997 and has since evolved into a subscription-based streaming platform with its own slate of original programming. The Onion looks back at the most important moments in the company’s 20-year history.

Musical The Kind With Number About Putting On A Show

TALLAHASSEE, FL—Noting the increasingly animated choreography and behavior of the characters on stage, sources at the Tallahassee Community Theatre reported Friday that this is apparently the kind of musical with a big number about putting on a show.

What To Watch For In The New Obi-Wan Kenobi Film

Disney has announced they are in the early stages of developing a stand-alone ‘Star Wars’ film focused on the adventures of Jedi master Obi-Wan Kenobi. Here’s what fans can expect to see in the upcoming release.
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R.E.M. Breaks Up

After 31 years together, the Athens, GA–based band R.E.M. has announced it is breaking up. Here are some highlights of the group's career:

  • 1980: The band selects the name R.E.M. after deciding Really Excellent Music is a little too straightforward
  • 1983: Really start getting into themselves after a friend lets them borrow a copy of their debut album Murmur and it sounds like no rock music they've ever heard before
  • 1984: The group shares a collective ironic laugh over the picture of a baby angel smoking on the cover of Van Halen's 1984
  • 1994: Kurt Cobain lists Michael Stipe as one of his biggest influences seconds before shooting himself in the face
  • 2004: R.E.M. and John Kerry begin appearing together at campaign events, with both sadly believing the association will boost their popularity
  • 2007: After entering the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, band members agree to stay together another four years so it won't be obvious they were just holding out for induction
  • 2011: The band books the Staples Center for a future reunion concert, for which Michael Stipe has prepared a long speech about his lifelong love of showbiz and razzle-dazzle

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