adBlockCheck

R.E.M. Breaks Up

Top Headlines

Entertainment

Hollywood Stars Overthrown In Bloody C-List Uprising

LOS ANGELES—Unleashing a brutal wave of violence and destruction that has upended the entire power structure of the entertainment industry overnight, the nation’s C-list celebrities have carried out a bloody coup to overthrow the hottest stars in Hollywood, sources reported Tuesday.

Lost Jack London Manuscript, ‘The Doggy,’ Found

RYE, NY—Workers inventorying the estate of a recently deceased Westchester County art dealer earlier this month reportedly stumbled upon a draft of a previously unknown Jack London novel titled The Doggy, and the work is already being hailed by many within the literary world as a masterpiece.
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next
TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Satisfaction

R.E.M. Breaks Up

After 31 years together, the Athens, GA–based band R.E.M. has announced it is breaking up. Here are some highlights of the group's career:

  • 1980: The band selects the name R.E.M. after deciding Really Excellent Music is a little too straightforward
  • 1983: Really start getting into themselves after a friend lets them borrow a copy of their debut album Murmur and it sounds like no rock music they've ever heard before
  • 1984: The group shares a collective ironic laugh over the picture of a baby angel smoking on the cover of Van Halen's 1984
  • 1994: Kurt Cobain lists Michael Stipe as one of his biggest influences seconds before shooting himself in the face
  • 2004: R.E.M. and John Kerry begin appearing together at campaign events, with both sadly believing the association will boost their popularity
  • 2007: After entering the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, band members agree to stay together another four years so it won't be obvious they were just holding out for induction
  • 2011: The band books the Staples Center for a future reunion concert, for which Michael Stipe has prepared a long speech about his lifelong love of showbiz and razzle-dazzle

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close