adBlockCheck

Entertainment

What You Need To Know About Last Night’s Oscars Debacle

Many viewers were left wondering about the sequence of events that led to the initial erroneous declaration of ‘La La Land’ as the Best Picture winner at the Academy Awards Sunday instead of the real winner, ‘Moonlight’. The Onion breaks down what you need to know about this fiasco.

Brad Pitt Sidelined 6 To 8 Weeks With Red Carpet Toe

LOS ANGELES—Saying doctors strongly recommended that he stay off the injured foot, representatives for Brad Pitt confirmed to reporters Sunday that the actor was sidelined six to eight weeks with a case of red carpet toe.

The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:

Greatest Super Bowl Halftime Shows

The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 31, 2017

Aries: They say there’s nothing quite like the bond between a mother and her child, but then they have yet to see your experimental new adhesive compound. Taurus: The stars, in their infinite wisdom, recommend that you check yourself this week, as not doing so might lead you to wreck yourself in the future.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 24, 2017

Aquarius No offense, but when got into this business, dealing with empty and meaningless futures like yours sure as hell wasn’t what it had in mind. Pisces Though you’ve been told that dressing up once in a while wouldn’t kill you, the coroner’s report this week will contain evidence to the contrary.
End Of Section
  • More News

Remembering Dick Clark

Dick Clark, the creator and longtime host of American Bandstand and Dick Clark’s New Year’s Rockin’ Eve, died on Apr. 18 of a heart attack. Here are some highlights from the beloved TV personality’s life:

  • 1932: A 2-year-old Clark stuns his family with his first words: "And now, ladies and gentlemen, Freddy 'Boom Boom' Cannon!"
  • 1955: After carefully considering trends in modern liturgical music, beat poetry, and hyper-minimalism, Clark decides to introduce America to rock and roll
  • 1962: Earns the nickname "America's Oldest Teenager" in part because of his boyish looks and connection to youth culture, but also because of his near constant masturbation
  • 1972: TV execs give Dick Clark's New Year's show the green light once Clark agrees to change a contentious word in the title to the more family-friendly "Rockin'"
  • 1974: Corners Casey Kasem in a Philadelphia Shoney's bathroom, threatens to “cut his cartoon-voiced belly stem to sternum if he catches him in his half of the United States again”
  • 1986: Releases Dick Clark's Easygoing Guide To Good Grooming
  • 2005: The growing pink pustule on Clark's neck finally bursts and a mucus-covered, squealing embryonic Ryan Seacrest wriggles out and begins looking for HDTV cameras for sustenance
  • 2012: With his life flashing before his eyes, Clark is profoundly disappointed by how much Barry Manilow it contains
  • 2012: Stops aging
More Videos

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close