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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.
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Remembering Jim McKay

Professional, dignified, and humble, yet always deeply involved with the culture of sports, he set a standard to which few still aspire. Onion Sports looks back on the career of Jim McKay, 1921-2008:

As a young Baltimore Sun reporter in the late 1940s, McKay developed a new vocabulary for baseball in order to more easily convey the events of the game to his audience, including the terms "hit," "single," and "out"

In 1970, McKay somersaults down a ski ramp alongside tumbling ski jumper Vinko Bogataj in order to better describe the agonizing sensations of defeat

Positioned underneath the net of the 1973 badminton championships, McKay informs viewers that the last shuttlecock has been lost under the bleachers, uttering his famous words, "They're all gone"

As the turbulent 1970s draw to a close, McKay poses for that fateful late-'70s file photo that would accompany every single one of his obituaries 30 years later

McKay's simple yet eloquent description of the rippling hindquarter muscles of the thoroughbreds competing in the 1978 Kentucky Derby simultaneously cause three million women to have their first orgasms

In 1980, McKay revolutionizes Olympic broadcasting by being the first reporter to enjoy what he was watching

After 16 weeks of extensive instruction during the winter of 1984, McKay finally teaches Bob Costas how to sit in front of a crackling fireplace without catching on fire

Upon completion of the log rolling competition in 1986, McKay swiftly arrives at the edge of the water to interview the winning log

In 2004, McKay musters up nearly 60 years of broadcasting experience to become the only man to not look like a dipshit while wearing an ABC Sports logo blazer

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