Remembering Jim McKay

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Jumbotron Really Trying To Push New Third-Down Cheer On Fans

SAN DIEGO—Noting that the phrase had appeared in large blue letters during each of the team’s offensive drives, sources at Qualcomm Stadium confirmed Friday that the Jumbotron was trying really hard to push a new third-down cheer on San Diego Chargers fans.

Strongside/Weakside: Kris Bryant

By leading the Chicago Cubs in hits and home runs en route to their second straight playoff appearance, Kris Bryant has placed himself in the running for the National League MVP. Is he any good?

Rest Of Nation To Penn State: ‘Something Is Very Wrong With All Of You’

WASHINGTON—Stating they felt deeply unnerved by the community’s unwavering and impassioned defense of a football program and administration that enabled child sexual abuse over the course of several decades, the rest of the country informed Penn State University Friday that there is clearly something very wrong with all of them.

Strongside/Weakside: Lamar Jackson

After passing for eight touchdowns and rushing for another 10 in just the first three weeks of the season, Louisville Cardinals sophomore quarterback Lamar Jackson has quickly become the frontrunner to win the Heisman Trophy. Is he any good?

Strongside/Weakside: Carson Wentz

After being selected second overall in the 2016 NFL Draft, Philadelphia Eagles quarterback Carson Wentz opened the season with a nearly flawless performance in a victory over the Cleveland Browns. Is he any good?

Former WWE Wrestler Found Alive At 44

PHOENIX—In a revelation that has sent shockwaves through the wrestling world, sources confirmed that former WWE wrestler Freddy Hendricks, better known as his in-ring persona “Time Bomb,” was discovered alive Friday at the age of 44.

Strongside/Weakside: Dak Prescott

Having assumed the role after Tony Romo’s injury during the preseason, Dak Prescott is expected to open the NFL regular season as the first rookie quarterback to start for the Dallas Cowboys since 2004. Is he any good?

Study: 96% Of Pickup Games Decided By Next Score

PRINCETON, NJ—Noting that none of the game’s earlier events factored into the final outcome in any way whatsoever, a study released Wednesday by researchers at Princeton University revealed that 96 percent of all pickup games are decided by the next score.
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Remembering Jim McKay

Professional, dignified, and humble, yet always deeply involved with the culture of sports, he set a standard to which few still aspire. Onion Sports looks back on the career of Jim McKay, 1921-2008:

As a young Baltimore Sun reporter in the late 1940s, McKay developed a new vocabulary for baseball in order to more easily convey the events of the game to his audience, including the terms "hit," "single," and "out"

In 1970, McKay somersaults down a ski ramp alongside tumbling ski jumper Vinko Bogataj in order to better describe the agonizing sensations of defeat

Positioned underneath the net of the 1973 badminton championships, McKay informs viewers that the last shuttlecock has been lost under the bleachers, uttering his famous words, "They're all gone"

As the turbulent 1970s draw to a close, McKay poses for that fateful late-'70s file photo that would accompany every single one of his obituaries 30 years later

McKay's simple yet eloquent description of the rippling hindquarter muscles of the thoroughbreds competing in the 1978 Kentucky Derby simultaneously cause three million women to have their first orgasms

In 1980, McKay revolutionizes Olympic broadcasting by being the first reporter to enjoy what he was watching

After 16 weeks of extensive instruction during the winter of 1984, McKay finally teaches Bob Costas how to sit in front of a crackling fireplace without catching on fire

Upon completion of the log rolling competition in 1986, McKay swiftly arrives at the edge of the water to interview the winning log

In 2004, McKay musters up nearly 60 years of broadcasting experience to become the only man to not look like a dipshit while wearing an ABC Sports logo blazer


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