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Greatest Super Bowl Halftime Shows

The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 31, 2017

Aries: They say there’s nothing quite like the bond between a mother and her child, but then they have yet to see your experimental new adhesive compound. Taurus: The stars, in their infinite wisdom, recommend that you check yourself this week, as not doing so might lead you to wreck yourself in the future.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 24, 2017

Aquarius No offense, but when got into this business, dealing with empty and meaningless futures like yours sure as hell wasn’t what it had in mind. Pisces Though you’ve been told that dressing up once in a while wouldn’t kill you, the coroner’s report this week will contain evidence to the contrary.
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Remembering 'The Office'

The hit NBC show The Office will air its series finale on Thursday. Here is a look back at some of the most unforgettable moments of the show’s nine-year run:

  • Season 1: The first episode, an exact remake of the British version’s premiere, focuses solely on Michael’s inability to get the tea the right temperature and his dreams of being on the telly
  • Season 1: Critics hail the 114th brief glance of withheld, unexpressed infatuation between Jim and Pam in episode 2 as the show’s most poignant
  • Season 2: Four-episode story arc where Dwight learns to format cells in Microsoft Excel
  • Season 2: A love triangle develops between Jim and Pam and Thomas, who was later edited out of the show in post-production
  • Season 3: After running out of episodes of the original British series to adapt, the show begins to reuse plots to old episodes of Dr. Who
  • Season 4: Felix, the wise janitor played by Judd Hirsch, is introduced
  • Season 6: It is revealed the reason Michael hates Toby so much is because he murdered Michael’s entire family in the early ’90s
  • Season 8: Phyllis becomes the 14th character to have a spin-off series with her show, Phyllis’ Daily Routine
  • Season 9: Keeping true to its British roots, the series finale has Jim and Pam getting a divorce and the rest of the cast dying in a warehouse fire
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Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 31, 2017

Aries: They say there’s nothing quite like the bond between a mother and her child, but then they have yet to see your experimental new adhesive compound. Taurus: The stars, in their infinite wisdom, recommend that you check yourself this week, as not doing so might lead you to wreck yourself in the future.

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