Representative King's Muslim Hearings

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Vol 47 Issue 11

'I Make My Own Hours,' Says Man About To Get Fired

NEW YORK—Marketing associate Jack Hilliard has carved out a pretty nice little setup wherein he has the freedom to make his own hours and come and go to work as he pleases, the 41-year-old who is on the verge of losing his job told reporters Monday.

Kelly and Epting's Apartment

Within walking distance of public transportation and situated in an up-and-coming area of town, Justin Kelly and Luke Epting's two-bedroom apartment contains a number of minor, albeit notable flaws.
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Representative King's Muslim Hearings

Last week, Rep. Peter King (R-NY) held a controversial hearing entitled "The Extent of Radicalization in the American Muslim Community and that Community's Response." Here's some of the information that came out of testimonies given there:

  • Almost 97 percent of Muslims are so un-American they can't eloquently summarize Federalist Paper No. 51 and James Madison's argument for checks and balances
  • That delicious spice in their food? That's sumac; man, it's so good
  • When Muslims scratch their bearded chins and look up, they're most likely thinking of new ways to blow up something
  • There is a massive international Muslim conspiracy to subvert all democracies everywhere, a fact its members were obligated to disclose because they were under oath
  • Unfortunately, not one witness knows Cat Stevens personally
  • Muslims always back their cars into parking spaces, even though it doesn't really save any time in the long run
  • They're pretty much the only thing keeping Dearborn, MI's economy afloat
  • Muslims can vote, and they probably won't be casting ballots for the party that hauled them before Congress because of their religion
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