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Republican Reaction To Foley Scandal

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Trump Casually Informs Pence He Going To Make One Or Two Appearances During Speech

CLEVELAND—Pulling his running mate aside backstage at the Republican National Convention just minutes before the Indiana governor was scheduled to formally accept the party’s vice presidential nomination, GOP candidate Donald Trump casually informed Mike Pence that he would probably make one or two quick appearances during the Midwestern conservative’s headlining speech tonight.

‘Heed My Tragic Story Well, Friends, For You Could Just As Easily Be Me,’ Says Chris Christie In Haunting RNC Speech

CLEVELAND—A thrall sweeping over the assembled GOP officials and party members Tuesday as he recounted his chilling tale of hubris, New Jersey governor Chris Christie reportedly entreated those at the Republican National Convention to consider the sad story of his own dizzying rise and ignominious fall, offering a bitter warning to all in attendance that his terrible fate could befall any one of them.
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Republican Reaction To Foley Scandal

With their party rocked by the Rep. Mark Foley sexual-harassment scandal, Republicans are using the following strategies to overcome the bad press:

  • Launching ad campaign entitled "Okay, We Goofed"
  • Releasing new, sexually explicit electronic messages that are more rooted in family values
  • Coming out against terrorism
  • Hiring new pages from pool of senior citizens desperate for work
  • Getting out and raising a little money together
  • Revealing how devastatingly handsome the teenage boy was
  • Only getting involved in scandals that don't directly fly in face of party line

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