adBlockCheck

Politics

Robert Mueller Driving SUV 100 MPH Down Runway As Air Force One Narrowly Lifts Off

PRINCE GEORGE’S COUNTY, MD—Sending a pair of guards scrambling for safety as he gunned his black SUV through a chain-link gate and onto the tarmac, Robert Mueller, the former FBI director who was recently tapped to lead the ongoing investigation into the Trump campaign’s ties to Russia, chased Air Force One down the runway at Joint Base Andrews moments before takeoff, sources reported Tuesday.
End Of Section
  • More News

Republican Reaction To Foley Scandal

With their party rocked by the Rep. Mark Foley sexual-harassment scandal, Republicans are using the following strategies to overcome the bad press:

  • Launching ad campaign entitled "Okay, We Goofed"
  • Releasing new, sexually explicit electronic messages that are more rooted in family values
  • Coming out against terrorism
  • Hiring new pages from pool of senior citizens desperate for work
  • Getting out and raising a little money together
  • Revealing how devastatingly handsome the teenage boy was
  • Only getting involved in scandals that don't directly fly in face of party line

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close