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Politics

Robert Mueller Driving SUV 100 MPH Down Runway As Air Force One Narrowly Lifts Off

PRINCE GEORGE’S COUNTY, MD—Sending a pair of guards scrambling for safety as he gunned his black SUV through a chain-link gate and onto the tarmac, Robert Mueller, the former FBI director who was recently tapped to lead the ongoing investigation into the Trump campaign’s ties to Russia, chased Air Force One down the runway at Joint Base Andrews moments before takeoff, sources reported Tuesday.

Trump Asks Entire Senate To Clear Out Of Chamber So He Can Speak To Comey Alone

WASHINGTON—Entering through a side door and bidding the assembled legislators, congressional aides, and members of the media to give him a moment with the former FBI director, President Donald Trump reportedly asked the entire Senate to clear the chamber during James Comey’s testimony Thursday so he could speak to him alone.

A Timeline Of The Watergate Scandal

With the White House mired in controversy, comparisons to Washington’s most famous scandal have been common, if not always accurate. Forty-five years after the events leading to Nixon’s resignation, The Onion presents a detailed timeline of the Watergate scandal.
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Restrictive Voter Laws On The Rise

This year 41 states have introduced at least 180 bills that would reduce voting, whether by requiring an ID at the polls, curbing registration drives, or limiting early balloting. Critics argue these measures are aimed at disenfranchising the young, minorities, and the poor. Here are some of the more controversial laws under consideration:

  • Nevada: Polling places will no longer supply ballots; voters must bring their own
  • Ohio: Voters must present valid Republican Party membership card
  • Tennessee: All registered voters must show up at polling areas with at least one normal-looking coworker who promises that voter is cool
  • Pennsylvania: No restrictions
  • Kentucky: Polling place staffed by voters’ high school girlfriends and boyfriends
  • Alabama: Voters required to correctly guess the number the voting inspector is thinking of
  • Arboria: To be deemed worthy, potential voters must complete the Rite of Passage ceremony by sticking their hands into the hollow stump
  • Oregon: Voters have to give five reasons why voting actually matters
  • Minnesota: Each voter must devise one new voting restriction for next person in line before being allowed to enter booth

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