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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.

Manager Can’t Remember Why He Came Out To Mound

HOUSTON—Visibly irritated with himself as he paced around the pitcher’s plate after calling for time during the fourth inning of their game against the Washington Nationals, Houston Astros manager A.J. Hinch could not remember why he came out to the mound in the first place, sources confirmed Thursday.
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Revelations From Shaq’s New Book

Shaquille O'Neal's frank and unflinching autobiography Shaq Uncut: My Story hits store shelves this week. Though Shaq's candid thoughts are too numerous to list here, readers will find these the most notable:

  • Grew 7 feet of his 7-foot-1-inch frame during his junior year of high school
  • Showed local news reporters how large his shoes were more than 15,000 times during his first year in the NBA
  • Took a year off from basketball and lived as a genie to prepare for his role in Kazaam
  • Spent first three years writing book from Luke Walton's point of view before deciding to make just one chapter that way
  • Has released four rap albums, plus more than 40 country albums under the name Logan Quantrill
  • Though Shaq was sworn in as a cop in Miami, his original goal was to be a horse-cop
  • Revealed that, in 2009, he actually played for the Cavaliers
  • Seriously considered retiring in 2010 before realizing he could stand to lose a few more dignities
  • Had a fierce rivalry with Andre Agassi, although there was no practical way to express or demonstrate this

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