Revelations From Shaq’s New Book

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Vol 47 Issue 46

Prescription: Bedtime

CBS 9 p.m. EST/8 p.m. CST This week's episode of the hit medical drama once again lulls the nation's fiftysomething moms to fall asleep on the couch, while the "code blue" commotion at the end is just loud enough to rouse them, make them l...

Smooth Transaction At DMV Exaggerated Into Story Anyway

ALBANY, NY—Though he spent no more than 20 minutes at the Department of Motor Vehicles Tuesday getting his driver's license renewed, Dan Nesbitt, 27, decided to embellish his experience anyway, saying he was mistakenly given the wrong form to fill o...

High Integrity, Moral Decency Has Cost Idiot Man Millions

CHARLESTON, SC—With its firm grounding in honesty, loyalty to friends, and a strong spirit of generosity, the asinine ethical code of Kevin Premus has cost the 42-year-old idiot millions of dollars over the years, reports confirmed Friday. The moron...
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Revelations From Shaq’s New Book

Shaquille O'Neal's frank and unflinching autobiography Shaq Uncut: My Story hits store shelves this week. Though Shaq's candid thoughts are too numerous to list here, readers will find these the most notable:

  • Grew 7 feet of his 7-foot-1-inch frame during his junior year of high school
  • Showed local news reporters how large his shoes were more than 15,000 times during his first year in the NBA
  • Took a year off from basketball and lived as a genie to prepare for his role in Kazaam
  • Spent first three years writing book from Luke Walton's point of view before deciding to make just one chapter that way
  • Has released four rap albums, plus more than 40 country albums under the name Logan Quantrill
  • Though Shaq was sworn in as a cop in Miami, his original goal was to be a horse-cop
  • Revealed that, in 2009, he actually played for the Cavaliers
  • Seriously considered retiring in 2010 before realizing he could stand to lose a few more dignities
  • Had a fierce rivalry with Andre Agassi, although there was no practical way to express or demonstrate this
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