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Politics

Bo Obama Addresses Graduates Of Dayton Obedience School

DAYTON, OH—Calling on the 2017 class of canines to make the most of their training as they head out into the world, former first dog Bo Obama delivered a stirring commencement speech Friday to graduates of the Dayton Obedience School.

Rural Working-Class Archbishops Come Out In Droves To Welcome Trump To Vatican

VATICAN CITY—Arriving in their dusty pickup trucks from as far away as the dioceses of Oria and Locri-Gerace to express their support for a leader who they say embodies their interests and defends their way of life, droves of rural working-class archbishops reportedly poured into St. Peter’s Square today to greet U.S. president Donald Trump during his visit to the Vatican.

Trump: ‘I Am A Very Stupid Human Being’

WASHINGTON—Responding to a damning ‘Washington Post’ report alleging he had shared highly classified information with Russian officials, President Donald Trump addressed the concerns of the press, his fellow government officials, and the public at large Tuesday by announcing that he was an incredibly stupid human being.

Escalating Tensions Lead Trump To Shake Up Inner Circle Of TV Programs

WASHINGTON—Saying the decision arose out of the necessity to weed out certain key members whose values no longer aligned with the president’s, White House spokesman Sean Spicer told reporters Thursday that escalating tensions have led President Trump to shake up his inner circle of television programs.
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Revitalizing The GOP

The defection of Pennsylvania Sen. Arlen Specter from the Republicans to the Democrats has left the GOP without enough members to filibuster, and served as a wake-up call to the party.

What are Republicans doing to revitalize their image?

Replacing apocalyptic fear-based rhetoric with more restrained fear-based rhetoric

Now support the removal of feeding tubes, but only to allow for periodic cleaning and reinsertion

Getting Ted Nugent and Sarah Palin to mate, creating the first member of a super-Republican race

Reaching out to young people with Trickle, the supply-side economics mascot

Have already given the party chairmanship to a black man—a black man, for the love of God. Was that not enough for you people?

Now recognizing women's suffrage

"Getting caught" at independent movie theaters on weekday afternoons

Maybe taking responsibility for at least a couple of things that are currently wrong with the country

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