adBlockCheck

Politics

Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Trump’s Budget Proposal: What You Need To Know

President Trump has revealed his first budget blueprint, which contains $54 billion in cuts while accommodating increased spending on defense and security. The Onion details the major elements of Trump’s proposed budget:
End Of Section
  • More News

Romney Facing Flak For Turn As Venture Capitalist

Rivals have bashed Mitt Romney for his role at Bain Capital—the investment group that held stakes in such businesses as Sports Authority, Dunkin’ Donuts, and Domino’s Pizza—claiming his pursuit of personal profit cost hundreds of jobs. Here are some of their criticisms:

  • In a move reportedly met with puzzlement by some Bain directors, Romney pushed to acquire a small firm that specializes in dog crates that can be easily strapped to car roofs
  • Invested in Sports Authority just so he could fire a Boston-area cashier who gave him slow service
  • Is said to have unjustly collected millions in fees for doing nothing more than telling Brookstone to “put digital thermometers in every damn thing [it] could think of”
  • Began requiring Dunkin’ Donuts employees to remove sprinkles from sprinkle donuts, one-by-one, in order to make glazed donuts
  • While restructuring Domino’s, Romney completely cracked down on coworkers signing in Darryl on-time, even on days he had car trouble and couldn’t make it in until later, which is total bullshit.
  • Changed Burlington Coat Factory’s “I got it at the factory” slogan to “I got it at a nice, classy coat store”
  • Made it mandatory for all Guitar Center locations to play nothing but Joe Satriani’s Surfing With The Alien album over store public-address systems
  • Forced on-air Weather Channel talent to process Toys “R” Us invoices during “Local on the 8s”
  • Was the wrong kind of ruthless capitalist
More Videos

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

More from this section

Trump’s Budget Proposal: What You Need To Know

President Trump has revealed his first budget blueprint, which contains $54 billion in cuts while accommodating increased spending on defense and security. The Onion details the major elements of Trump’s proposed budget:

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close