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Politics

What Is Trump’s Relationship With White Nationalism?

Since the weekend’s violent protests in Charlottesville, VA, many have criticized President Trump for his failure to outright condemn the white supremacists involved. The Onion breaks down Trump’s relationship to this powerful hate group.

Ruth Bader Ginsburg Returns To Off-Season Lifeguarding Job

ALEXANDRIA, VA—Saying she hadn’t missed a summer since she was on the U.S. Court of Appeals, Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg said Tuesday that she had once again returned to her off-season lifeguarding job at Splash Central waterpark.

President’s American Manufacturing Council Down To CEO Of Shoe Carnival

WASHINGTON—Following a series of resignations from prominent CEOs amid the fallout from President Trump’s handling of white-nationalist violence in Charlottesville, VA, White House sources confirmed Tuesday that Trump’s American Manufacturing Council is now down to a single member, Clifton Sifford, CEO and president of Shoe Carnival.

What To Expect From James Comey’s Book

Former FBI director James Comey is writing a book due out next spring about leadership, decision-making, and his time at the FBI. Here’s what to look for when the book is released.
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Romney Facing Flak For Turn As Venture Capitalist

Rivals have bashed Mitt Romney for his role at Bain Capital—the investment group that held stakes in such businesses as Sports Authority, Dunkin’ Donuts, and Domino’s Pizza—claiming his pursuit of personal profit cost hundreds of jobs. Here are some of their criticisms:

  • In a move reportedly met with puzzlement by some Bain directors, Romney pushed to acquire a small firm that specializes in dog crates that can be easily strapped to car roofs
  • Invested in Sports Authority just so he could fire a Boston-area cashier who gave him slow service
  • Is said to have unjustly collected millions in fees for doing nothing more than telling Brookstone to “put digital thermometers in every damn thing [it] could think of”
  • Began requiring Dunkin’ Donuts employees to remove sprinkles from sprinkle donuts, one-by-one, in order to make glazed donuts
  • While restructuring Domino’s, Romney completely cracked down on coworkers signing in Darryl on-time, even on days he had car trouble and couldn’t make it in until later, which is total bullshit.
  • Changed Burlington Coat Factory’s “I got it at the factory” slogan to “I got it at a nice, classy coat store”
  • Made it mandatory for all Guitar Center locations to play nothing but Joe Satriani’s Surfing With The Alien album over store public-address systems
  • Forced on-air Weather Channel talent to process Toys “R” Us invoices during “Local on the 8s”
  • Was the wrong kind of ruthless capitalist

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President’s American Manufacturing Council Down To CEO Of Shoe Carnival

WASHINGTON—Following a series of resignations from prominent CEOs amid the fallout from President Trump’s handling of white-nationalist violence in Charlottesville, VA, White House sources confirmed Tuesday that Trump’s American Manufacturing Council is now down to a single member, Clifton Sifford, CEO and president of Shoe Carnival.

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