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Politics

Can Trump Follow Through On His Campaign Promises?

President-elect Donald Trump made a variety of lofty promises during his campaign as part of a pledge to “make America great again.” The Onion looks at several of these promises and evaluates whether Trump will be willing or able to follow through on them.

What You Need To Know About The Dakota Access Pipeline

Construction is currently stalled on the Dakota Access Pipeline, which would connect North Dakota’s Bakken Shale development to oil tank farms in Illinois, by protests led by members of the Standing Rock Sioux tribe. The Onion provides answers to key questions about the project.

What Can Americans Expect Under A Trump Presidency?

With two months until the inauguration of Donald Trump, many Americans are wondering what his term will look like and what his administration might accomplish. The Onion answers some common questions about Trump’s upcoming presidency

James Comey Quickly Reopens Clinton Email Investigation For Few More Minutes

‘Nope, Looks Like It’s All Good Here,’ Says FBI Director

WASHINGTON—In a letter addressed to Congress that was quickly followed by a second message retracting the first, FBI director James Comey is said to have briefly reopened the investigation into Hillary Clinton’s emails for several more minutes Friday.

Pollsters Admit They Underestimated Voters’ Adrenal Glands

WASHINGTON—In response to widespread criticism that they had failed to predict Donald Trump’s victory in the 2016 election, analysts from polling organizations around the nation admitted Thursday they had underestimated the influence of voters’ adrenal glands on the presidential race.
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Rush Limbaugh Returns

Rush Limbaugh is once again in the national media spotlight, this time for saying, among other things, that he hopes Obama and his economic program will fail. What other incendiary comments has Limbaugh made about the president?

"Now, I'm not saying that Barack Obama's a Muslim. But I do think he masterminded the 2004 Madrid terror attacks."

"America should be terrified of Barack Obama's skin color—whoops, I mean socialist agenda."

"The president's so-called energy plan is nothing more than a carefully crafted initiative that clearly reflects his thoughtfulness and high level of education."

"What is it with these black presidents, anyhow?"

"Rahm Emanuel had my keys stolen. I swear, they were right here this morning."

"Each night I pray that a released Gitmo inmate will kill thousands of Americans in a bloody massacre, just to teach Obama a lesson."

"If I saw Barack Obama's children walking down the street, I would hide behind a mailbox or a tree or something and then jump out and scare them."

"I wouldn't advocate overthrowing the government, but I would certainly not object if some of my dumber listeners picked up arms and stormed the Capitol."

"Let me make this absolutely clear: Obama! Taxes! Abortion! President! Hussein! Socialist!"

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