Sam Cassell Returns To Home Planet Following Clippers' Playoff Elimination

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Vol 42 Issue 21

School Monitors Student Blogs

A school district in Illinois is going to monitor students’ blogs and MySpace profiles for "illegal and inappropriate behavior." What do you...

.xxx Rejected

ICANN, the U.S.-based corporation that assigns Internet domain names, rejected the designation ".xxx" earlier this month under pressure from...

May 26, 1996

Oprah Secedes from U.S., Forms Independent Nation Of Cheesecake-Eating Housewives
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TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Healthy Living

  • The Onion’s Guide To Gym Etiquette

    Every new year brings a surge in gym membership from new members nicknamed “resolutionists,” many of whom may be unaware that there are unspoken rules everyone must observe when working out.

Fantasy Sports

FIFA Frantically Announces 2015 Summer World Cup In United States

ZURICH—After the Justice Department indicted numerous executives from world soccer’s governing body on charges of corruption and bribery, frantic and visibly nervous officials from FIFA held an impromptu press conference Wednesday to announce that the United States has been selected to host this summer’s 2015 World Cup.

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