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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Fantasy Sports

Little League Pitcher Just Getting Fucking Shelled

RED BANK, NJ—After watching the 11-year-old give up the fourth straight double that inning, sources confirmed Sunday afternoon that local Little League pitcher Dustin Bauer is getting absolutely fucking shelled out there.

Spring

Saying Goodbye: The Ones We Lost This Year

Paul Newman, the last universally beloved man, died at the age of 83 after a private battle with lung cancer. He is survived by legions of partly or wholly unlikable human beings, who will invariably besmirch his memory by selling his likeness to a vacuum cleaner company.
Boris Fyodorov, 50, Russian politician and banker, died of a "stroke."
Legendary film star Charlton Heston passed away in April at age 84. He is survived by five guns, 14 grand guns, and 11 great-grand guns.
Chess prodigy Bobby Fischer passed away in Rejykjavíak, Iceland after developing a new chess move that was so genius his brain exploded.
Mary Garber, an American sportswriter, passed away this September. She was 92. This only goes to prove that women know nothing about sports.
Game designer Gary Gygax died in his parents dungeon after a lengthy battle with a manticore.

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