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Saying Goodbye: The Ones We Lost This Year

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Hollywood Stars Overthrown In Bloody C-List Uprising

LOS ANGELES—Unleashing a brutal wave of violence and destruction that has upended the entire power structure of the entertainment industry overnight, the nation’s C-list celebrities have carried out a bloody coup to overthrow the hottest stars in Hollywood, sources reported Tuesday.

Lost Jack London Manuscript, ‘The Doggy,’ Found

RYE, NY—Workers inventorying the estate of a recently deceased Westchester County art dealer earlier this month reportedly stumbled upon a draft of a previously unknown Jack London novel titled The Doggy, and the work is already being hailed by many within the literary world as a masterpiece.
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  • Email From Mom Sent At 5:32 A.M.

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Television

Saying Goodbye: The Ones We Lost This Year

Paul Newman, the last universally beloved man, died at the age of 83 after a private battle with lung cancer. He is survived by legions of partly or wholly unlikable human beings, who will invariably besmirch his memory by selling his likeness to a vacuum cleaner company.
Boris Fyodorov, 50, Russian politician and banker, died of a "stroke."
Legendary film star Charlton Heston passed away in April at age 84. He is survived by five guns, 14 grand guns, and 11 great-grand guns.
Chess prodigy Bobby Fischer passed away in Rejykjavíak, Iceland after developing a new chess move that was so genius his brain exploded.
Mary Garber, an American sportswriter, passed away this September. She was 92. This only goes to prove that women know nothing about sports.
Game designer Gary Gygax died in his parents dungeon after a lengthy battle with a manticore.

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