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Sports

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.
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Scandalous Coach Firings

  • 1967: The sporting world is stunned when the Green Bay Packers fire Vince Lombardi for gross incompetence
  • 1982: That sick fuck hockey coach in the next town has to move in the middle of the night after six kids finally tell their parents
  • 1985: Billy Martin staves off his fourth firing for a good 15 minutes by wrestling George Steinbrenner to the ground and not letting go
  • 2000: Indiana University officials say they would have fired Bobby Knight for merely grabbing an IU freshman by the arm, and the fact that he then ripped it out at the shoulder was irrelevant
  • 2003: In a move many feel came six years too late, Lou Piniella is finally dismissed as head coach of the Philadelphia 76ers
  • 2006: After a one-day experiment, the Sacramento Kings quickly fire Ron Artest as head coach
  • 2008: Isiah Thomas is fired by every person he walks past in New York City
  • 2008: In a move some saw as over-the-top, Omar Minaya waits until Willie Randolph is asleep and enters his dreams to fire him there
  • 2011: After decades of recruiting violations, John Calipari is finally fired for it
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