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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
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Scandalous Coach Firings

  • 1967: The sporting world is stunned when the Green Bay Packers fire Vince Lombardi for gross incompetence
  • 1982: That sick fuck hockey coach in the next town has to move in the middle of the night after six kids finally tell their parents
  • 1985: Billy Martin staves off his fourth firing for a good 15 minutes by wrestling George Steinbrenner to the ground and not letting go
  • 2000: Indiana University officials say they would have fired Bobby Knight for merely grabbing an IU freshman by the arm, and the fact that he then ripped it out at the shoulder was irrelevant
  • 2003: In a move many feel came six years too late, Lou Piniella is finally dismissed as head coach of the Philadelphia 76ers
  • 2006: After a one-day experiment, the Sacramento Kings quickly fire Ron Artest as head coach
  • 2008: Isiah Thomas is fired by every person he walks past in New York City
  • 2008: In a move some saw as over-the-top, Omar Minaya waits until Willie Randolph is asleep and enters his dreams to fire him there
  • 2011: After decades of recruiting violations, John Calipari is finally fired for it
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