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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.

Manager Can’t Remember Why He Came Out To Mound

HOUSTON—Visibly irritated with himself as he paced around the pitcher’s plate after calling for time during the fourth inning of their game against the Washington Nationals, Houston Astros manager A.J. Hinch could not remember why he came out to the mound in the first place, sources confirmed Thursday.
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Scandalous Coach Firings

  • 1967: The sporting world is stunned when the Green Bay Packers fire Vince Lombardi for gross incompetence
  • 1982: That sick fuck hockey coach in the next town has to move in the middle of the night after six kids finally tell their parents
  • 1985: Billy Martin staves off his fourth firing for a good 15 minutes by wrestling George Steinbrenner to the ground and not letting go
  • 2000: Indiana University officials say they would have fired Bobby Knight for merely grabbing an IU freshman by the arm, and the fact that he then ripped it out at the shoulder was irrelevant
  • 2003: In a move many feel came six years too late, Lou Piniella is finally dismissed as head coach of the Philadelphia 76ers
  • 2006: After a one-day experiment, the Sacramento Kings quickly fire Ron Artest as head coach
  • 2008: Isiah Thomas is fired by every person he walks past in New York City
  • 2008: In a move some saw as over-the-top, Omar Minaya waits until Willie Randolph is asleep and enters his dreams to fire him there
  • 2011: After decades of recruiting violations, John Calipari is finally fired for it
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