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Greatest Super Bowl Halftime Shows

The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 31, 2017

Aries: They say there’s nothing quite like the bond between a mother and her child, but then they have yet to see your experimental new adhesive compound. Taurus: The stars, in their infinite wisdom, recommend that you check yourself this week, as not doing so might lead you to wreck yourself in the future.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 24, 2017

Aquarius No offense, but when got into this business, dealing with empty and meaningless futures like yours sure as hell wasn’t what it had in mind. Pisces Though you’ve been told that dressing up once in a while wouldn’t kill you, the coroner’s report this week will contain evidence to the contrary.

How Movies Receive Their Ratings

Many Americans use the MPAA’s formalized rating system as a guide for which films to see. The Onion provides a step-by-step view into how these ratings are chosen:
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Schedule For 2013 San Diego Comic-Con

Sci-fi, fantasy, and comic book fans from around the world will converge on Southern California this weekend for the 2013 San Diego Comic-Con International. Here are some of the most anticipated events of the four-day convention:

  • Day 1: Introductory seminar explaining all the major superheroes and what their powers are
  • Day 1: Exclusive panel with none of the creators and writers of Dexter
  • Day 2: Harrison Ford arrives early to make sure he doesn’t miss a single opportunity to discuss Han Solo
  • Day 2: Something involving manga that is literally too sad to print
  • Day 2: San Diego Chargers coaching staff holds open tryouts to try to find unknown talent
  • Day 2: Panel with eight microphones and eight glasses of water
  • Day 3: LeVar Burton debuts homemade film Roots In Space
  • Day 3: The cast and writers of Psych answer halfhearted questions from tired convention attendees who just want a place to sit down
  • Day 4: Judges present the Best Costume award to the convention attendee who looks the most like an overweight version of a fictional character
  • Day 4: Black-tie dinner
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Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 24, 2017

Aquarius No offense, but when got into this business, dealing with empty and meaningless futures like yours sure as hell wasn’t what it had in mind. Pisces Though you’ve been told that dressing up once in a while wouldn’t kill you, the coroner’s report this week will contain evidence to the contrary.

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