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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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Scouting The Sleepers Of The 2010 NFL Draft

Sam Bradford and Ndamukong Suh are getting all the attention, but NFL scouts look to the late rounds for hidden talent. Here are the players they should be keeping an eye on:

  • Devin McCourty, CB, Rutgers: Didn’t really appear on anybody’s radar until he took off his shirt during the combine and his supple, sinewy muscles just glistened in the stadium lights as the sweat shimmered off his body, and his pecs—oh, my God, his pecs
  • Tim Tebow, QB, Florida: It cannot be 100 percent completely ruled out that he could possibly do something worthwhile in the NFL
  • Zane Beadles, OT, Utah: If it comes down to drafting another guy named Mike Williams or a guy named Zane Beadles, you know the general manager is going to say “Fuck it, let’s draft Zane Beadles”
  • Dennis Pitta, TE, BYU: Though some consider Pitta a sleeper, he has turned several teams off by telling scouts “my blocking sucks and it always will”
  • Ciron Black, OT, LSU: Can fill the need of any NFL team looking for players to add to its final roster cuts
  • Vladimir Ducasse, OT, Massachusetts: Faced with criticism that he is too small for the NFL, plucky overachiever Ducasse has put on 475 pounds since the end of the season
  • Pat Grace, QB, Northern Iowa: May never start, but kicking-game experts note he has the well-rounded knees, bent back, and quick fingertips of a natural holder
  • Ryan Reynolds, ILB, Oklahoma: Stock skyrocketed during the bench-press segment of the NFL Combine when he accidentally dropped a 45-pound plate and crushed the skulls of the top six inside linebacker prospects

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