adBlockCheck

Sports

Report: Look How Big Player Is Next To Sideline Reporter

GREEN BAY, WI—Marveling at the pronounced disparity in size during the postgame interview, sources confirmed Sunday that, Jesus Christ, just look at how big Houston Texans nose tackle Vince Wilfork is next to the CBS sideline reporter.

Best Sports Video Games Of All Time

With titles such as ‘FIFA 17’ and ’NBA 2K17’ expected to be popular gifts this holiday season, Onion Sports looks back on some of the best sports video games of all time.

Strongside/Weakside: Ezekiel Elliott

After becoming only the third player in NFL history to rush for 1,000 yards in his first nine games, Dallas Cowboys rookie running back Ezekiel Elliott is an early candidate for league MVP. Is he any good?

Strongside/Weakside: Theo Epstein

In just five seasons, Chicago Cubs president of baseball operations Theo Epstein assembled a team that is competing for the franchise’s first World Series title since 1908. Is he any good?

Jumbotron Really Trying To Push New Third-Down Cheer On Fans

SAN DIEGO—Noting that the phrase had appeared in large blue letters during each of the team’s offensive drives, sources at Qualcomm Stadium confirmed Friday that the Jumbotron was trying really hard to push a new third-down cheer on San Diego Chargers fans.

Strongside/Weakside: Kris Bryant

By leading the Chicago Cubs in hits and home runs en route to their second straight playoff appearance, Kris Bryant has placed himself in the running for the National League MVP. Is he any good?

Rest Of Nation To Penn State: ‘Something Is Very Wrong With All Of You’

WASHINGTON—Stating they felt deeply unnerved by the community’s unwavering and impassioned defense of a football program and administration that enabled child sexual abuse over the course of several decades, the rest of the country informed Penn State University Friday that there is clearly something very wrong with all of them.

Strongside/Weakside: Lamar Jackson

After passing for eight touchdowns and rushing for another 10 in just the first three weeks of the season, Louisville Cardinals sophomore quarterback Lamar Jackson has quickly become the frontrunner to win the Heisman Trophy. Is he any good?
End Of Section
  • More News

Scouting The Sleepers Of The 2010 NFL Draft

Sam Bradford and Ndamukong Suh are getting all the attention, but NFL scouts look to the late rounds for hidden talent. Here are the players they should be keeping an eye on:

  • Devin McCourty, CB, Rutgers: Didn’t really appear on anybody’s radar until he took off his shirt during the combine and his supple, sinewy muscles just glistened in the stadium lights as the sweat shimmered off his body, and his pecs—oh, my God, his pecs
  • Tim Tebow, QB, Florida: It cannot be 100 percent completely ruled out that he could possibly do something worthwhile in the NFL
  • Zane Beadles, OT, Utah: If it comes down to drafting another guy named Mike Williams or a guy named Zane Beadles, you know the general manager is going to say “Fuck it, let’s draft Zane Beadles”
  • Dennis Pitta, TE, BYU: Though some consider Pitta a sleeper, he has turned several teams off by telling scouts “my blocking sucks and it always will”
  • Ciron Black, OT, LSU: Can fill the need of any NFL team looking for players to add to its final roster cuts
  • Vladimir Ducasse, OT, Massachusetts: Faced with criticism that he is too small for the NFL, plucky overachiever Ducasse has put on 475 pounds since the end of the season
  • Pat Grace, QB, Northern Iowa: May never start, but kicking-game experts note he has the well-rounded knees, bent back, and quick fingertips of a natural holder
  • Ryan Reynolds, ILB, Oklahoma: Stock skyrocketed during the bench-press segment of the NFL Combine when he accidentally dropped a 45-pound plate and crushed the skulls of the top six inside linebacker prospects

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close