Scouting The Sleepers Of The 2010 NFL Draft

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Vol 46 Issue 15

Albert Pujols Sliding Into Everything After Learning To Slide

ST. LOUIS—Sources in the Cardinals organization confirmed Tuesday that, after completing private sliding lessons, Albert Pujols has been sliding feetfirst into equipment, open doorways, dirty laundry, teammates, dugouts, and anything else the three-time NL MVP can possibly slide into.

Opening Staff Rails Against Incompetence Of Closing Staff

ATHENS, GA—Citing a recent rash of barely mopped floors, sloppy register work, and general negligence, the opening staff of local restaurant Dom's issued a harsh proclamation this week, saying it would no longer endure the half-assed performance of the closing staff.
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Little League Pitcher Just Getting Fucking Shelled

RED BANK, NJ—After watching the 11-year-old give up the fourth straight double that inning, sources confirmed Sunday afternoon that local Little League pitcher Dustin Bauer is getting absolutely fucking shelled out there.

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Scouting The Sleepers Of The 2010 NFL Draft

Sam Bradford and Ndamukong Suh are getting all the attention, but NFL scouts look to the late rounds for hidden talent. Here are the players they should be keeping an eye on:

  • Devin McCourtey, CB, Rutgers: Didn't really appear on anybody's radar until he took off his shirt during the combine and his supple, sinewy muscles just glistened in the stadium lights as the sweat shimmered off his body, and his pecs—oh, my God, his pecs
  • Tim Tebow, QB, Florida: It cannot be 100 percent completely ruled out that he could possibly do something worthwhile in the NFL
  • Zane Beadles, OT, Utah: If it comes down to drafting another guy named Mike Williams or a guy named Zane Beadles, you know the general manager is going to say "Fuck it, let's draft Zane Beadles"
  • Dennis Pitta, TE, BYU: Though some consider Pitta a sleeper, he has turned several teams off by telling scouts "my blocking sucks and it always will"
  • Ciron Black, OT, LSU: Can fill the need of any NFL team looking for players to add to its final roster cuts
  • Vladimir Ducasse, OT, Massachusetts: Faced with criticism that he is too small for the NFL, plucky overachiever Ducasse has put on 475 pounds since the end of the season
  • Pat Grace, QB, Northern Iowa: May never start, but kicking-game experts note he has the well-rounded knees, bent back, and quick fingertips of a natural holder
  • Ryan Reynolds, ILB, Oklahoma: Stock skyrocketed during the bench-press segment of the NFL Combine when he accidentally dropped a 45-pound plate and crushed the skulls of the top six inside linebacker prospects
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